


Familiarizing

by JustCommander



Category: Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers Animated (2007)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Angst, Blitzwing is very unstable, Father-Son Relationship, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Kinda, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Past Torture, Pre-Series, Suicidal Thoughts, and not even attempts of suicide, don't worry there's no suicide, megatron is such a dad with blitzwing, multiple personality dysorder, not entirely at least
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-24
Updated: 2017-12-11
Packaged: 2019-01-22 10:25:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 25,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12479448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustCommander/pseuds/JustCommander
Summary: Megatron isn't known for his patience with his subordinates. When he asks for something, he really doesn't seem to accept failure. And he doesn't react well to misbehaving and insubordination.But sometimes the strong and cruel leader of the Decepticons must realize he's not the only one who needs his soldiers to do something for him, the fact is that they'd never dare going to him and ask for help. In those moments he needs to learn how to read their mind through their behavior.Especially if it's someone like Blitzwing the one who needs help from his leader, but doesn't even know himself what he may need





	1. Unusual tension

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all: Thanks to my beta Killuascreamer for correcting this story for me
> 
> \--
> 
> Units of time:
> 
>  
> 
> 1 Nanoklik - 1 second
> 
> 1 Cycle - 1 minute and 30 seconds
> 
> 1 Joor - 1 hour
> 
> 1 Solar Cycle - 1 day
> 
> 1 Deca Cycle - 10 days
> 
> 1 Stellar Cyle - 1 year
> 
> 1 Vorn - 80 years

Most Cybertronians could describe the Decepticon leader with many adjectives: cruel, powerful, dangerous, cold, violent, merciless. Those were mostly used by the Autobots who were smart enough to recognize him as a mech to be afraid of and to never underestimate, despite the fact they loathed him and his whole cause.  
  
Even some Decepticons could agree with some of the characteristics, even though someone would add: incompetent and old fool. But no one except for one seeker in particular would have said that about Megatron.  
However, if there was something not a single spark in the whole universe would have described him as, that would have been: patient and self controlled.   
Not even Megatron himself could have thought of that. Any failure from his subordinates always made him lose control, a sign of disrespect towards him was even worse. His fellow Decepticons knew better than to challenge him, all except for one as always. Even if the warlord suspected his treacherous Second to simply not care anymore about being punished and put back to his place. There was also the possibility he always hoped to be able to get away unharmed, knowing how much he considered himself the fastest and most skilled flier in the whole universe.  
  
Foolish little seeker. He seemed to never learn how to stay at his place… or maybe he just wanted to prove how stubborn and determined he was. The biggest reason why no one ever imagined Megatron to be a patient mech, was especially because of Starscream and all the times he’s been punished for his behavior.  
No one could remember the last time their leader spared a hard strike on that incorrigible seeker’s frame every time he showed disrespect, ruined a plan because of his incapacity… or simply because of his stubbornness on not following his master’s orders.  
  
  
Now said seeker was standing in the middle of the control room, his silver wings were high in a sharp angle. The warlord learned to read that body language as a display of pure rage, since the flier used to tilt them up like that while arguing with him as well. But in that moment his piercing crimson optics weren’t focused on the leader, but on another Decepticon.   
He appeared immobile at first, but the sharp digits were vibrating with anger and soon his whole frame began to shake. He seemed to be holding back from raising his arms and activate the null rays, or simply jump and tear away the metal with his claws.

On the other side, there was the mech the seeker was giving his complete attention at the moment. Over a couple of stains of purple energon, stood Blitzwing. The triplechanger was also quiet and returning his attention to the magenta flier. His glance was completely different. His optics moved from the other’s face plates to his shaking frame, then quickly at his own pedes to stare at the dark liquid. And then immediately back at the rest of it, leaking from the seeker’s helm and running down his chassis. His helm was bent lightly forward, dark digits scratching on the palms of each servo.

Everything was completely quiet. Even the femme at the console and the big green and purple mech next to her didn’t dare speak.  
Weird, since less than a cycle ago there was such a ruckus in the room that Megatron couldn’t even hear his own thoughts. Everyone talking… no, shouting and… Megatron suspected, no one listening to anything.  
  
Lugnut from the console kept on complaining about the seeker’s screechy voice and demanding for silence, while next to him, Blackarachnia seemed to be yelling something about Blitzwing’s glitched processor and his irritating behavior.  
  
While the other two… their yells were so loud that probably not even they had any idea what the actual problem was. From what he could remember, it was something about his Second not wanting bots bringing energon cubes inside of this room as the triplechanger did… then from that the two began to scream at each other out of nowhere.  
  
Their leader finally had enough when he saw the two beginning to grab at each other’s shoulders or helm, just like a couple of stupid sparklings.  
He didn’t even manage to open his mouth when a louder and sharper noise interrupted all the ruckus and for once it wasn’t coming from his fusion cannon. Only a light sequence of lower sounds followed the previous, then nothing else. Silence.  
Everyone’s optics focused on the tall frame who swiftly approached the scene from the shadows of the room, even if for just a moment.  
  
Starscream’s wide optics moved from him to the broken and now empty cube that got shattered on his helm, then immediately to the triplechanger. While Blitzwing backed away until he reached a safe distance form the seeker and his red and flaming visor got quickly replaced by another pair of optics, the left one hidden by a monocle.  
  
In another situation Megatron would have simply hit the two with the back of his cannon and shout at them to be quiet if they both cared about not being reduced to scrap metal.  
But now he also stood silent, glancing quickly at the shattered pieces of cube at Starscream’s pedes. The seeker went through much worse, but at the moment the warlord couldn’t help but worry about his Second. Such a rare case… but this was probably the first time Starscream got hit by one of the lower rank officers in such a manner, so close to his face plates.   
«Starscream…» Megatron finally decided to break the silence while landing his dark servo on top of the flier’s left wing, which fluttered in agitation and worry at the sudden touch, recognizing the digits that often dented the soft plating.  
  
But this time the blows didn’t come. The servo was there, immobile on the silver metal and the mech’s optics finally moved from the triplechanger, to look at his leader instead. What he expected to find was an enraged expression… not… that. He seemed calm and serious and… why was he so calm?? Wasn’t he mad about the mess and all that shouting? The seeker found himself lowering the wings as a digit started to caress the silver appendage, as a… silent request to calm down.  
He straightened his spine and suddenly moved backwards when the servo left the wing to approach his face plates, but even this time he didn’t receive a hit. When the black digits carefully grabbed onto his chin, the seeker let his master tilt his helm to be inspected. Was he worried? What was that old mech planning this time?  
  
Yes, Starscream totally dealt with much worse than such a little cut. Besides, with all that energon on him, Megatron couldn’t tell how serious the wound was.  
There was something else that worried him even more. Blitzwing just showed how much his multiple personality disorder could cause trouble even in these calm situations. He couldn’t just let them take control and attack his teammates like that. What could happen in a fight? This wasn’t something he intended to ignore.  
  
«Blackarachnia.» Megatron called the femme, who quickly looked up at him, finally focusing on someone in particular and for a proper reason. «Take him to the med bay…» he released the seeker and approached her to finish the sentence, this time almost whispering «Have Shockwave check on him» he ordered, with a hint of anger rising from his throat.  
  
When the femme nodded and began to walk, he added with such a low hiss that only she managed to hear «And you stay out of it.»  
  
She stopped for an instant, hesitating. But after a nanoklik, she made a quick movement with a digit directed to Starscream and soon disappeared out of the room, followed by the seeker.  
As the door hissed shut, Megatron’s attention went immediately to Blitzwing. He remained silent all the time and suddenly seemed to be focusing on his own pedes once again.  
«Lugnut, you stay here» The Decepticon leader pointed at the now empty console as he gave the order. How weird Lugnut remained quiet too… apparently this situation was new to everyone. Well, even better…!  
  
Megatron knew he was already having some trouble containing his anger and his audio receptors couldn’t possibly stand to hear more words in that moment. «While you, Blitzwing-» he started, staring into the other’s visible optic and reading his expression easily.  
  
Fear. Of course, he was aware of what he has done just now and was afraid of what the leader would have done. «I’ll be waiting for you in my quarters. Clean the floor first.» he finally ordered while stepping out of the room as well.  
  
  
«You really did disappoint our glorious leader, Blitzwing! And you’re with us for no longer than—» Lugnut turned to stare at the triple changer, but went quiet once again when he saw the other kneeling on the floor and collecting the pieces of glass.  
  
He wasn’t used of his behavior yet, just like everyone else. His expression was cold, definitely not calm, but cold as ice. He seemed to be completely numb, maybe a little nervous too? Something completely different from before.  
  
Before he was there grinding his denta, growling and yelling. The kind of mech you’d expect to be attacked by for no reason, unable to contain their anger and having to come to violence during every discussion.  
  
Lugnut approached the slightly smaller mech and focused on his servos. They were shaking so badly that the one in charge of picking up the shards, often dropped the pieces he had collected at least a couple of times before bringing it in the open palm with the rest of them.  
This Decepticon was known to be one of the strongest from what he could remember, but for a very long period of time, no one mentioned him anymore. Some even thought he ended up offlined by some unknown Autobot soldier and his frame left forgotten in an abandoned corner of the universe.  
  
When Megatron returned with him, no one except for Blackarachnia managed to talk to him. And when he finally got allowed to go talk to the others, everyone remained shocked from his behavior. The multiple personalities didn’t wait too long before showing to the rest of the crew. Right now Lugnut recognized the calm and cold persona. It apparently wasn’t as calm as it was supposed to be, he could see how worried he was getting, but definitely not angry. The enraged personality wouldn’t have taken control now, while the other… the third one…  
That one was completely out of control. No one could describe it better than completely random. The most unstable, the most dangerous sometimes. It could take such absurd decisions that went from stupid and innocent to something creepy or macabre.  
Right now, there was high probability the triple changer would have settled on that persona. Sure the big mech wasn’t known for his intelligence, but he could tell when a bot was at one step from losing it.  
  
«Oh stop shaking already!» he said all of the sudden, having Blitzwing actually jumping from surprise and stilling «Do you actually think he’d beat you up? Have you learned nothing during the time you’ve been here?»  
The triple changer tilted the helm as he focused on the other «Learn… vat-?» he tried, confused from the weird question.  
«Starscream made him get mad at least three times since you’ve arrived here and I’m pretty sure you’ve seen him getting punished by our leader… because he actually did it in front of everyone» he took a pause and turned away from him «If Megatron didn’t hit you here in front of us, he obviously won’t do it in his quarters. Now get a move on and don’t make him wait too long!»  
  
Blitzwing’s expression remained as confused for a little longer, but quickly shook his helm and kept on cleaning the floor. Lugnut knew their leader much better than him obviously, he had to admit that. He quickly stood up to dispose of the pieces he collected. Better not make him wait too much indeed.  
If he was right about Megatron not intending to punish him for his behavior, better not give him another reason for him to do it instead.  
  
  
The triple changer walked silently down the corridors of the Nemesis. In his processor both his angry and random persona were shouting and trying to take decisions. It was so hard keeping quiet without letting them speak out loud.  
 _“I suggest ve take dat seeker and make him eat his OWN vings! It’s his fault!”_  
 _“Oh! You’re making me get hungry again! I told you ve should have licked ze floor clean instead!_ ”  
  
Blitzwing gritted his denta and shivered. «Nein…» he whispered, just hoping that would have been enough to keep them quiet. But what was he thinking? As if those two would listen!  
This was new to him… he couldn’t say they appeared all of the sudden, but he still was trying to get used to them, it was difficult. Not being able to hear his own thoughts at times. And right now his thoughts were confused because of them!  
  
He was thinking about what Megatron would have actually done, if Lugnut was right, if the seeker would have attacked him the next time they met… if it was worth really going to pay a visit to him in the med bay and smash his face plates on the.. ah no, these weren’t his. Well actually they were but… not completely his!  
As he tried his best to keep his calm persona the dominant one, Blitzwing finally stepped out, making his way to Megatron’s quarters. He was already there and not ready at all. He was so nervous and agitated he suspected in a couple of cycles his random personality would have took control…!  
  
Meaning he would have went crazy while talking to Megatron, right in front of him! He took a deep intake and prayed to Primus to be able to control himself for a bit longer.  
  
  
Shockwave was a scientist, a very intelligent mech, and the perfect spy. Forcing him to work as a medic wasn’t one of the best ideas, and the warlord knew it.  
He was inclined to be very cold and uncaring with his patients, just like a scientist was used to. He wondered how Starscream was taking his examination right now. Knowing the seeker, he was probably complaining and spitting empty threats at the other.  
  
There was the possibility the purple mech was there experimenting too, having the possibility to inspect a seeker. But he could trust the scientist more than that… organic and metallic hybrid. Especially after the last problem she caused.   
The mech was surely surprised at first… receiving such a weird request. Replacing Blackarachnia in the med bay still allowed him to continue his researches and a scientist like him obviously had competencies to do this job, so this gave him no trouble at all. He was also asked not to mix the two jobs together.  
Shockwave was loyal. He wouldn’t have ruined his soldiers, that was something Megatron was sure about. Sure he would have tried to have some little experiments, but nothing too risky. So Starscream wasn’t in danger. Nobody was. The warlord received the confirmation of his suppositions as he received a message from the scientist, saying that his Second wasn't damaged... and that the functionality of his vocalizer didn't even need to be checked. It worked perfectly as always.  
  
He relaxed and put down the data pad he’d been reading onto the desk. So, the seeker was fine and he was about to leave the med bay. Oh well, that processor of his was already damaged enough, it wouldn’t have been a cube of all things that managed to make it work properly… nor cause even more damage.  
Now he had to focus on something else, like deciding how to act when the triplechanger would have arrived. He couldn't go too soft on him just because of that problem of his, but had to make sure not to yell too much… it wouldn’t have taught him anything if the leader would have acted as stupid as everyone did before.  
Maybe he should have went to talk to his Second as well, later. After all, he got in the fight too! He had to ask him if he intended to act like a sparkling all the time or preferred to grow up a bit. As if he didn’t know about Blitzwing…! Stubborn seeker he was—  
A knock at the door brought him back to reality and Megatron let it slide open.   
  
There he was, standing outside and looking into the dark room. He had the same expression of a mech that was about to get executed and Megatron sighed.  
«Come inside, Blitzwing.» He simply said, not letting the other read a single emotion he was feeling.  
  
He wasn't exactly angry… Maybe nervous? Yes. He didn’t like what happened in the control room, but he wasn’t angry. When he saw the other still standing outside and not moving anymore, he shrugged and went over to him, laying a servo on his shoulder and pulled him inside.


	2. Cold relationships

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my beta Killuascreamer
> 
>  
> 
> Units of time:
> 
>  
> 
> 1 Nanoklik - 1 second
> 
> 1 Cycle - 1 minute and 30 seconds
> 
> 1 Joor - 1 hour
> 
> 1 Solar Cycle - 1 day
> 
> 1 Deca Cycle - 10 days
> 
> 1 Stellar Cyle - 1 year
> 
> 1 Vorn - 80 years

Was he in trouble?  
“ _Ya, ve are because of dat flybot who cannot keep ze mouth shut!_ ”  
That wasn’t true… that was not true. He said a thing and he couldn’t react like a civil mech and had to take that as a personal insult… maybe it was just because of how the seeker talked that made him snap all of the sudden…  
 _“Who does he zink he is? He vill never be leader and he obviously izn’t leader now!”_  
His angry persona seemed to be way more active, despite refusing to take complete control. He seemed to be trying to find excuses for his behavior now that they… he... was supposed to be talking to Megatron. Scared? Probably. Just the fact one was always angry and short tempered didn’t mean he couldn’t be terrified of the Decepticon leader.  
  
This was the reason behind his thoughts and trying to ignore them all was the best thing to do…  
The best thing, not the easiest! Less easy was trying to keep the mouth shut and not answer to him out loud!  
  
Blitzwing was about to try and whisper something when the leader’s touch on his shoulder had him jump in surprise and only manage to let out a choked startled sound. Now he was so ashamed of his reaction, but that wasn’t the only problem.  
  
Megatron said something didn’t he? He probably told him to get inside and he was too busy trying to ignore the idiot in his head to listen! What a mess! This was getting out of control, now what was the grounder going to do to him? He already made him wait too much probably and-  
 _“Hmm… If you ask me, I’d say he’s gonna... ground you! AHAHAHAHAHAHAH”_  
No.. not him. Not his random persona! He couldn’t lose control like this now, not in front of Megatron. In the exact sequence he: started a fight and yelled like an idiot in the control room, broke an energon cube on Starscream’s head, wasted all the liquid and made his leader wait more than necessary. Ah and he also didn’t listen to him now he was talking.  
  
  
The warlord released the shoulder and moved away from his soldier, going to close the door. When he returned his attention to the triple changer, he found him on his knee and bowing his helm.  
«Apologies… Master, ve-… I didn’t hear, I—»  
«Stand up, Blitzwing» The low and deep voice was enough to interrupt him and have him standing back on his pedes immediately. As if the other was trying to show this time he really did listen.  
«I need to talk to you, and I want you to look at me when I talk.» he simply said, keeping a calm tone, maybe with just a hint of annoyance. His second used to act just like that when he sometimes realized how much trouble one his idiotic ideas caused. The last thing he needed was this soldier to learn form Starscream now!  
  
«Of course, sir.»  
Oh Primus, better just trying to focus on what the leader would have said now. The triplechanger shook his helm quickly, making a very big effort to ignore whatever the two were trying to say and remain quiet, serious and just focusing on the other mech.  
The hardest thing was looking at his master. He tried to move his optics from staring down at the floor to his leader’s face plates. He didn’t seem.. too angry. Okay well, Megatron always seemed angry, but that was because of the shape of his red optics… maybe. But his expression was… just serious at the moment. And that was a good sign. However, such a serious expression made things difficult to him. He felt so judged and it just looked like the other was still thinking of what to do with him.  
  
  
Alright, he seemed to have the other’s attention now. But somehow, the warlord still didn’t think he was sure how to talk to Blitzwing.  
«You’re not stupid, I know you can understand what you’ve done in the control room is something I’d expect from a sparkling. And not from a soldier!»  
He turned his back to the triplechanger and went back over to his desk, sitting down and making a movement with his servo that meant for the other to sit down too.  
This wasn’t an interrogation, there was no need to circle around him like a hunter waiting for the right moment to attack. Hopefully sitting down would help Blitzwing stop shaking so much. Megatron looked at the other as he sat down while wondering how long those stabilizing servos would manage to keep him up before collapsing if he wouldn’t have done that earlier.  
«I can understand how frustrating that seeker’s tone may become sometimes» he continued with a sigh, as a quick memory of the earlier screeches passed through his processor. Ugh, that fool really did live up to his name… «But he’s still your superior and when I understand you have the right to discuss with him like a grown mech…» he bought a servo to his helm and rubbed his forehelm softly «Before being your superior, he’s a Decepticon like you.»  
  
That was the biggest problem. Yes: attacking his own teammates. Their soldiers weren’t many, if they had to deal with internal fighting, his cause would have just became the parody of itself. They wouldn’t even have needed to find the Autobots to get completely destroyed.  
«You attack the ones on your side in situations where violence isn’t needed. Do you really think we need to help those Autobots like this?»  
  
The triplechanger remained quiet all the time, constantly biting his glossa and torturing his own servos under the table, scratching and pulling on the digits. He could feel his spark sinking in his chassis at every word that came form the mech in front of him. He was right. Everything he said was true. He acted like an idiot. But it wasn’t his fault.  
Well, trying to find excuses and pushing the blame on his other personality didn’t seem the best idea at the moment. Though, that question had him biting his lower derma and moving is gaze on the other’s big servo resting on the table. Was he supposed to answer? Was it  an actual question? Should he have remained quiet? Or was it just a way to have him talking too?  
What to answer? How to start to talk now?  
“ _I’d say something if I were you, which I am! Let me try!!”_  
Blitzwing gasped and shuddered, expecting the other to take control, but luckily… or unfortunately, nothing happened. In these cases he would have done anything to get out of this damn situation.  
  
«N-no.» he managed to stutter. He didn’t know if that no was meant as an answer at the leader’s question or if it was just a way to stop thinking about letting the other two take control just to get out of there.  
«No» he repeated a second time «No…» and this third one came out as a whisper. Then forced himself to look up at his leader and talked quickly «No, I mean I’m sorry ve shouldn’t have done it-» he gasped and corrected himself «I! I- shouldn’t have… I couldn’t control myzelf I got angry… I didn’t mean to, master… It happened-»  
Oh please don’t take control now…  
  
  
Hm. This was going nowhere. «Blitzwing…» nothing. It was the third time the warlord called his soldier. He didn’t seem to be listening at all. Maybe he simply couldn’t. It sure could have been hard trying to listen to three voices at the same time, and Megatron didn’t feel like shouting at him for that.  
«I couldn’t control myzelf… I c-couldn’t»  
He took a deep intake and raised his voice just enough for the other to hear «I don’t blame you for that.» and that had the triplechanger going quiet once again. «What I’m asking you, is to try not to use this strength you have on other Decepticons.» Megatron sighed and shook his helm «You feel angry? It happens, especially while talking to that seeker. You can get angry.» he stood up and walked around the desk to reach the soldier «I’m your master Blitzwing, but I don’t own your emotions. I’d never ask you to stop feeling a certain one like anger. Because only a mad mech would make such a ridiculous request.»  
  
Despite his leader being so close once again, Blitzwing seemed.. calmer. Oh well, he was still shaking lightly, but much less than before and his expression wasn’t terrified. He seemed to be interested in the bigger mech’s words, as if he would have never expected them to come from him.  
What he expected was much worse, but apparently Lugnut was right. He didn’t get punished and… this all just seemed to be normal discussion with his leader, nothing more and definitely nothing to be afraid of.  
  
«Your personality disorder isn’t something that’d make things easy for us. I won’t ask you to stop feeling emotions as I already said. But I’m asking you to try and at least control your actions» His voice remained strong and serious all the time, the previous and light hint of anger was already gone. The Decepticon leader looked down at the triplechanger and added «Whatever your mood may be. Do you understand?»  
The smaller mech nodded and looked down for a nanoklick before answering calmly «Yes. I underztand, master».  
«Hm, good» Megatron nodded and all of the sudden his expression changed again, it seemed to get softer and a bit more relaxed, even if just a little. «I don’t intend to keep you in here for too long, as I said you’re not a sparkling and there’s no need to repeat something to you over and over again. You’re dismissed.»  
  
  
When the warlord saw Blitzwing leaving, he sighed and shook the helm. He wasn’t sure about what he just said. That mech wasn’t a sparkling indeed, but he obviously knew he had to expect having other chats like this one with him. After all, dealing with that issue of his wasn’t something simple.  
Where those three all the same Blitzwing? They indeed shared memories but… it just seemed to be talking to three different mechs able to share information between each other. His calm and cold persona always appeared embarrassed when he returned to take control after the most unstable one… What if those actions he made were actual ideas that all the three of them had but actually tried to suppress or ignore? After all, his random persona didn’t seem to have the ability to stop himself from doing the first thing that went through his processor.   
«And I obviously cannot blame that triplechanger for this situation.» he admitted out loud, then sighed and considered the idea to go discuss to Shockwave about it. He was one of the best scientists he managed to meet. Nothing against the seeker, but the flier abandoned that job long ago, even though sometimes he suddenly showed interest for researches or scientific topics.  
Maybe even talking to him would have helped. Shockwave was really busy at the moment. As much as the Decepticon leader hated having to deal with the flier, maybe this time it would have been better trying to discuss this personality disorder with another scientist. Hopefully he would have got interested…?  
  
 _-Starscream…-_ Come on stupid seeker… just answer. No. That flier didn’t seem to want to talk to him. Was he already recharging? He couldn’t possibly be tired after doing nothing at all!  
  
 _-Starscream!-_ he called again through the comm link and this time he received an answer  
  
 _-Oh excuse me if I didn’t answer immediately, oh might Megatron-_  
 _-when I call you, I’d expect you to answer.-_ He replied while rolling his optics. It would have went like that then, hm? Was it possible this was supposed to be how things went every damn time he tried to talk to that incompetent and disrespectful mech?  
 _-I’m busy! Call me later-_  
 _-Just because you’re out of my reach, that doesn’t mean I’m unable to get there. My pedes still work perfectly, you know?-_ He heard a snicker and he raised and optic ridge. What was he laughing at now? Damn that seeker, seriously! Couldn’t they have a simple conversation for once?! He didn’t ask much!  
- _Oh I’m sure they do, but I’m currently having a shower in my wash racks now. Busy! As I already said-_  
 _-And you think that’d stop me from getting there?-_ Megatron quickly replied, leaving the seeker silent all of the sudden.  
 _-Is that in innuendo, or are you simply that determined on punishing me?-_ the other replied after a long silence, just a moment before Megatron would have yelled his designation over the comm link, having thought the other kept on ignoring him.  
 _-Do you want to find out?-_ He grinned lightly and shook his helm, trying to keep a serious tone as he answered with an half threat. That would have made the seeker quit with his sassy behavior, hopefully.  
  
 _-Ah… uhm… -_  
Megatron waited, curious how would have his second answered to that  
 _-No, my lord-_ the other whispered and Megatron caught something else mixed to annoyance.  
  
He suddenly realized something. Did Starscream just lie? He was used of hearing that flier lying every time and he became so easy to read… did that mean he was curious to see if…  
 _-Hm! I’ll get there in two cycles. I don’t care if you’re done with the shower or not-_  
 _-Wait! You can’t be serious, master! I really am having a shower here! It’s not an excuse!-_ The seeker shouted and continued after a little pause _-I was covered in energon after that idiot decided to throw the cube on my face-_  
 _-Well, I am serious. I must talk to you, and since I know you’d make me wait on purpose, I’ll get there myself-_  
  
And with that, Megatron closed his comm link and left the room, directed to Starscream’s quarters.  
  
  
For a moment he wondered what was he actually thinking and what was that seeker  thinking as well. Did he enjoy getting beaten up or was he just testing his patience? Some sort of bet with himself to see how long his master would have kept on punishing him before growing tired? It was an option, since sometimes the flier’s plans were so damn stupid that the challenge was figuring out how he could have thought of them being good ideas in first place.  
Was that a way to grow used of his leader’s violence to stop fearing him? Because he really did still fear him, Megatron was sure of that. It just seemed that being out of his reach always made him start to get bold enough to start with his sassy and disrespectful behavior.  
While around him he acted like everyone else.  
  
Yes, like Blitzwing before. They both got startled as he moved close enough to touch them. Besides, in that situation they both knew they made their leader angry after acting in such a stupid way, screaming and fighting.  
He should have started to observe their reactions a bit more carefully… Blitzwing wasn’t a seeker like Starscream, but triplechangers like him got created studying the best fliers and grounders. What kind of flier would have been better than a seeker? They had some simile components and it was possible they had same reactions… at least in some occasions.  
  
  
When Megatron arrived at his Second’s quarters, he noticed he probably took even less time than what he said, but honestly didn’t care. He didn’t even bother to knock, he was able to open every door on the Nemesis and there was no need to ask for him to open… especially because the other was probably still having his shower.  
  
«Don’t look at me like that, Starscream. I am a mech who keeps his promises and you should know that.» the warlord managed not to grin at the magenta flier in front of him. He probably got out as soon as he heard the heavy steps of his leader and the noise of the door opening. He was just out of his personal wash racks, dripping coolant form his wings and staring at his master with wide glowing optics, the only light sources in that dark room. The weak scarlet glow reflecting on the metallic wall and caressing the elegant curves of his slim frame. The seeker opened his mouth but Megatron interrupted him before he could have the possibility to complain  
«Tell me, my dear Starscream… since when did you become this beautiful?»  
  
If the flier’s optics could have opened even wider they would have done that, but his glance quickly relaxed as that compliment stroked the seeker’s infinite ego. «Why, my lord? I’ve always been a beautiful mech» he purred, opening his wings and holding them up proudly. Every sign of indignation completely gone. Megatron shook his helm. Seekers were such vain creatures…  
«Maybe I should give you a closer look…» he whispered while approaching his second, who didn’t back away this time, but simply agreed with him  
  
«Yes… that’s a good idea, master.»


	3. Warming up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Units of time:
> 
>  
> 
> 1 Nanoklik - 1 second
> 
> 1 Cycle - 1 minute and 30 seconds
> 
> 1 Joor - 1 hour
> 
> 1 Solar Cycle - 1 day
> 
> 1 Deca Cycle - 10 days
> 
> 1 Stellar Cyle - 1 year
> 
> 1 Vorn - 80 years

He couldn’t even remember the last time he managed to feel so relaxed around his second in command. After all… things weren’t even supposed to go like this now he thought about it. He was supposed to go and talk to him about Blitzwing and his disorder. Well, this didn’t mean he could start to talk now.  
With a sigh, the warlord’s black digits trailed up the seeker’s wings, tracing the magenta stripe and stopped them over his insignia.  
  
Ah how many memories. He could still remember those times when those elegant appendages were blank and wild. He was a completely different mech back then, before war… before joining his cause. A lightly harder pressure on that spot seemed to be enough to gain a soft whimper from the mech laying on   the berth. Those bloody red optics were almost closed in a tired expression, but still trying to focus on the mech sitting next to him.  
«Master…»  
What a soft tone… the bigger mech allowed his lip to curve in a light smile. His screechy and loud voice was something completely different now. He was so tired, wasn’t he? But what caught the warlord’s attention was that his voice didn’t crack, meaning he wasn’t scared.. not even a little. Well, there was no reason for being scared at the moment, but being touched on the wings always had the flier shaking and trying to pull away.    
  
The free servo slid up the other’s chassis and stopped on the neck, but quickly moved away from the smaller frame after a couple of soft strokes. When even the other one started to leave the delicate appendage, Megatron found it still attached to his digits because Starscream suddenly moved the wing to follow his movement. This… was not just new, it was the complete opposite of what usually happened. It was his silent request to continue and not let go.  
  
«You distract me from important things, you know that?»  
It wasn’t meant to be a too serious question, it was true… but that didn’t have to be taken as a way to start to argue. Megatron only realized how the other was unable to understand things just after saying that. Luckily for him, the other seemed way too tired to start to argue.  
«What…? Me? You’re the one who started» came the weak reply as the seeker shifted on the berth.  
«It’s your fault, shouldn’t have challenged me. But you never learn.» the other quickly said, rubbing the tip of the silver appendage and then returning to caress his own insignia.  
  
  
After receiving a few more strokes on the purple brand, the flier purred and moved his servos to press down on the berth and slowly trying to move further to the edge. He definitely couldn’t and didn’t want to sit up, so he just laid there on the forearms, still pushing the wing on those warm and skilled digits.  
«Hm… what did you even want to tell me, my lord?»  
  
How weird he asked him that all by himself. Oh maybe that was just a way to stop talking about who started what… and then it was Starscream the one who started anyway!  
He kept on caressing the silver plating and sighed «Well you can guess.»  
«Ugh… it’s about the triplechanger, isn’t it?»  
Oh here we go again. That seeker simply couldn’t have a normal talk with his master, hm? Megatron rolled his optics and answered calmly anyway «Very smart. Too bad today you acted like a sparkling as well.» Before the other could answer he stopped him «You were with me when we took him here.»  
  
Yes, they were together and Starscream could see the conditions he was in. It was beyond terrible. What probably only disgusted his second, caused the Decepticon leader a feeling that could be only described as something chewing on his very spark. A simple thought pierced right through his processor: All his subordinates that got captured in the past have been reduced to this before being executed?  
  
  
Starscream remained silent, he was obviously thinking about the moment they found him as well. Megatron remembered the violet glow of Starscream’s null rays passing by him, destroying the defensive turrets of the lonely yet impressive Autobots’ ship. If it wouldn’t have been for Shockwave’s studies and his Second’s strategy, they could have taken vorns to break in, but the two scientists worked well together for once.  
The purple mech has been just lucky to get an important audio signal that allowed him to track the presence of a Decepticon in that ship. If it wouldn’t have been for that, the warlord wouldn’t have even thought about attacking that ship in particular.  
When the ex gladiator finally had enough, he pierced the thick metal with his fusion cannon, making golden sparks fly around and a black smoke began to come out of the hole he created. He quickly lowered his weapon and looked over at the seeker and then immediately dived inside.  
  
Between the annoying sounds of an alarm echoing in his processor, he heard Starscream swearing right behind him and shooting at the cameras before he swiftly returned by his leader’s side. They already had everything planned and knew exactly where to go… staying too long and reveal themselves wouldn’t have been useful at all. Not now and not in here!  
When they reached the area they were interested into, Megatron made a swift movement with his servo meaning for Starscream to proceed and break the wall. His cannon was too strong and would have only risked to hurt their soldier, if not killed… in case the whole chamber blew up.  
  
If in those hallways everything was now brightened in a red glow, in there the Decepticon leader found a black darkness, only filled with the crimson edges of undefined shapes that the light from outside managed to hit.  
The two quickly stepped inside and the warlord’s thigh hit against something small: a table. After that, an object fell on the floor and the sudden shine coming from it mixed to the metallic sound it made, was enough for him to realize what that was. A blade. And observing it carefully, the leader noticed it seemed way too bright, wet. The magenta seeker pushed the table aside from their own shadows and the lights revealed an infinite number of blunt objects, almost each of them stained of purple.  
  
A weak whimper from the depth of the room got both their attention. The two finally activated their infrared view and while Megatron remained completely still, Starscream shudders and backed away. He whispered a swear in his native Vosian dialect and turned around, going to stand by the entrance they created.  
  
  
«Yes… and with that you mean I should always forgive every stupid thing he does?» the seeker looked up at his master «I don’t want to—»  
«I’m saying that whatever those Autobots did to him was already enough to break him» he quickly interrupted the other and sighed «And the other incident ruined him completely.»  
He took a pause and found the other staring at him. Ah at least he had his attention now. «This is what I actually wanted to talk about»  
  
The magenta flier tilted his helm and remained quiet for a while «His multiple personality disorder? What do you want to know from me, my lord? Shockwave’s the mech you’d need in this case» he stretched and lifted the wings up, only to relax them right after  and making sure to gain those gentle touches once again by pushing against the dark servo until he got what he craved for.    
«You were a scientist.» was the simple answer.  
Starscream remained quiet for a cycle, staring at his pedes. «Yes, exactly. I was. I was a scientist before!»  
  
With a sigh, Megatron released the other and stood up. «Alright, listen I don’t intend to lose time trying to convince you.. and have you whining all the time» he said and looked down at his Second «You have a point, Shockwave’s a scientist too. And when I ask him to do something for me, he doesn’t fail me… and he doesn’t complain.» he finished while approaching the door.  
«Anyway, You’ll go check on the energon reserves and I expect a complete report when you’ll get back in the control room tomorrow.» he stepped outside and rolled his eyes once he heard his Second’s screechy tone «What?! I’m a soldier! Not a drone!».  
«And you acted like a sparkling. If you don’t like this punishment I’ll give you something way more physical and painful.» with that, the big mech let the door close and returned to his own quarters.  
  
  
For the following three solar cycles nothing much happened, Blitzwing seemed to be acting quite calmly, without going to bother anyone and Starscream didn’t do anything to go provoke him neither.  
Well, despite his Second seeming so distant from caring about the triplechanger's problem… he was doing a good job not making things go worse.  
  
Blitzwing was currently having a research as his leader told him, to track some new energy resources. They didn’t risk to finish the reserves too soon, but Megatron didn’t want to risk too much… and at least a part of the soldier could agree with saying that this research was needed. Lugnut was standing at the console from the opposite side of the room, just checking on the conditions of the Nemesis shields. He kept on turning around to stare at the other, expecting him to snap all of the sudden. And in fact…  
  
«I’d rather go out and find ze resources myzelf!» the loud growl made Lugnut turn around completely and approached him «Ah! Just do what our great leader says!» he spat, pushing the other’s helm against the keyboard making the screen glitch.  
Maybe he shouldn’t have done that, but the big mech wasn’t exactly used of this new soldier changing behavior this quickly… and it annoyed him!  
Lugnut backed away while trying to gain his balance once again as he received one of the triplechanger’s cannons right onto his big optic. Luckily he didn’t shoot anything from it!  
«Shut up you giant fool! Vat I say is dat I’d finish dis stupid job in less time if I could just go out and explore vith Astrotra—»  he suddenly stopped. Frozen.  
His red faceplates moved and his cold personality took control once again. Then slowly turned around and landed both his servos over the keyboard.  
  
Lugnut looked down at them. He was shaking once again and it always started from there. Even the first time he saw him having problems on keeping control.  
He opened his mouth to speak and ask what he meant with that, but stopped himself as he thought of that designation again. Another triplechanger, sure… He remembered the Deceptions talked about how he used to act like a smaller ship, nothing like the Nemesis but strong enough for such a role.  
No one heard of him for vorns now and he suspected there wouldn’t have been much to say anymore about him.  
He remained silent even when he heard the other start to giggle, then to growl, then whimper… all three at the same time «Ah… vat a fool I am, saying dat.».  
There was again that noise when Blitzwing’s faces changed and a loud laugher echoed in the empty room  
«Zere’s nothing left of him! And even nothing right! All completely gone! AHAHAHAH!»  
   
The bigger mech grabbed one of his arms and pulled, trying to get his attention and felt the other’s whole frame shaking.  
«I vant Astrotrain back!» the other yelled, trying to pull free from the stronger mech’s grasp «I vant to go explore vith him!»  
«Blitzwing stop it now!» The big mech shouted louder, trying to get the other’s attention, but the current personality didn’t seem to listen at all, he was completely unstable and unable to reason «Blitzwing!!» he called again and this time added a punch on the other’s black faceplates.  
  
«VAT?!» his angry and short tempered personality returned and moved the cannons again, this time Lugnut used his other servo to push them back up and avoid to get hit with whatever he intended to shoot or from simply getting them on the optic again.  
«Snap out of it already! Do you even listen to what you’re saying?!» He shouted while fighting against those two cannons that still seemed determined on aiming at him «Stop for a damn cycle and don’t just shout whatever you think of!»  
All of the sudden the cannons stopped making resistance and let the green servo push them back.  
«Ya.» The calm voice was back.  
  
Blitzwing finally stilled, his helm bowing and staring at the dark floor. «I listen to vat I say» he whispered «And I mean vat I say.»  
He suddenly began to shudder again, keeping the glance low and never facing the other. «I vant him back…» he continued and took a deep intake «Even though… I know dis is impossible.» As the voice cracked, the random persona took control again and giggled «Though! Is it so weird to vant to be dead too just to be vith one who already is?»  
Before Lugnut could answer he found the triplechanger laying the forehead against his shoulder, then wrapping both the arms around his bigger one. He remained still until he heard the other giggling again, then… sobbing and as he felt something wet running down his shoulder plates he couldn’t stay impassible anymore. The large mech slowly moved his other limb around the lightly smaller frame and pulled him closer. It felt weird having him so close… warm, then ice cold at the same time.  
  
Lugnut caressed as slowly and carefully as he could down the other’s back and reached the purple wings, but withdrew the servo after that. He had those big clamps… they weren’t made for caressing or hugging! And he didn’t want to risk pulling on that delicate parts, but when he did pull away, the other groaned and soon felt the purple metal being pushed against his wrist.  
Well, apparently that didn’t hurt him?  
   
«Blitzwing, go talk to Shockwave about this» the bigger bot said, referring to the breakdown he just had, but the other only huffed and rubbed the faceplates against the arm. «I will have to report this, if you don’t. Our master wouldn’t be pleased if he’d find out.»  
The other made some other noises then moved away, the cold personality back in control. «No… I know he vouldn’t be.» he answered, nodding lightly.  
«Though, I won’t tell him anything about your.. actions.» the bigger mech added and Blitzwing looked up at him and smiled lightly. They all knew he was told to at least try and keep control over his actions and that fight he was about to start was one of those actions Megatron told him not to make… and he was right. Not fighting his own teammates… and he did it again. «…Danke… d-dankeschön… » he whispered as he watched Lugnut walking out of the door.  
  
  
«Ah Lugnut, do you require my assistance? You broke something?»  
The slimmer mech’s voice echoed in the empty med bay as he turned around to face the big soldier who just revealed his presence by hitting his large shoulder against the edge of the door.  
If he wouldn’t have been that distant, Lugnut would have surely delivered such a hard punch on that single red eye, that it would have split up in half and gifted that fragger with a normal face. He wasn’t that smart but not completely stupid and could understand that the simple and professional question had two damn meanings: “did you get hurt and break something in your frame?“ was the first and the other “did you break something around the base since you’re so clumsy?”.  
«No, you annoying drone.» he growled and approached him. They always had trouble to get along well, both trying to impress their leader and showing how loyal they were. «I’m here just to report a thing about Blitzwing. Since I doubt he’d come talk to you, and our master wouldn’t like for such things to remain unknown» he finished and carefully stared at the other’s eye, trying to get any sign of expression in that hole. But he couldn’t find any. The only thing they had in common, was that they both made it very hard for other to guess what they were feeling with facial expressions.  
  
«Ah, no. He wouldn’t be.» Shockwave’s antennae raised and twitched lightly «I wonder why you wouldn’t just go and report directly to him and take the credit for it» he added, crossing the arms and tilting lightly his helm.  
«I’m not the spy around here!» the bigger mech growled and contracted his main optic «And you’re the medic, our master has other things to think about!»  
The slim mech remained quiet for a little, then rolled his only optic and shrugged «Oh fine» he finally sighed, unfolding his arms «What is it that you want to report?».  
  
Once Lugnut was done talking, Shockwave laid a claw on his chin, or where there was supposed to be a chin. «Astrotrain, huh?» He said after a while «Yes, A triplechanger. One of the first three creations. No doubt he remembers him».  
He also did remember that Decepticon and remembered how attached the two were, nothing like the constructicons, but something very similar. After being created, they’ve always remained together. After the first experiments, more more triplechangers got built, but the original three always seemed very distant from the others… Yes, three. The third remained in the laboratory more than those two. Another reason why they grew closer and closer to each other as time passed by. Being separated from Octane so suddenly for no apparent reason had them fearing to being separated once again.  
Now Blitzwing was the last one. Last of his specie in a way. The other two were gone and no one was completely sure what exactly happened to them…  
  
«I’ll leave you to whatever you are supposed to do now» Lugnut finally said and having enough of staying in the same room with the other mech.  
«Thank you for the information» Shockwave quickly replied and turned his back, facing the console. Well, this meant that having a word with both Blitzwing and his master was necessary in this case.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, little note here.  
> First things first: "Dankeschön" means "Thank you so much"/"thanks a lot" ...while "Ya" means "yes" but I doubt there's someone who doesn't know!
> 
> Second things second.  
> This isn't entierly canon. I took some details from G1 but mixed them a little, since in first damn episode of Animated we get a reference from G1 episodes, as if they're trying to say the series comes after the exact things that happened there... (And every damn time I asked myself: "then why the frag Megatron's not Galvatron and why is Cyclonus flying around with his OP group and makes all the other decepticons, including Megatron, look like noobs??")


	4. Painful memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Units of time:
> 
>  
> 
> 1 Nanoklik - 1 second
> 
> 1 Cycle - 1 minute and 30 seconds
> 
> 1 Joor - 1 hour
> 
> 1 Solar Cycle - 1 day
> 
> 1 Deca Cycle - 10 days
> 
> 1 Stellar Cyle - 1 year
> 
> 1 Vorn - 80 years

Megatron was heading to the med bay, silently wondering what did Shockwave find out about the triplechanger’s behavior.  
The scientist commed him and talked about something that could have developed into a serious problem. It wasn’t entirely sure, but there was high probability the other’s personalities would have became even less stable, leading to the most uncontrolled one to become dominant. The Decepticon leader interrupted him and asked to be talking directly to him in the med bay, after all there wasn’t much to do at the moment and it bothered him having to talk about something so important through comm links.  
  
He wondered what could have been this time. Did Blitzwing attack someone else again? Did he break something as his random persona took control? It wouldn’t have been the first time… ah well, obviously talking to him wouldn’t have helped that much. Megatron shook his helm and sighed. Well, what did he expect? A simple discussion with his soldier wouldn’t have solved all his problems, after all only he knew what a ruckus he had inside of his processor all the time.  
Hopefully Shockwave would have found a way to heal him? Was it even possible finding a cure for such an illness? Could it even be considered illness?  
The warlord sighed and tried to push away that thought. It didn’t feel right. Removing those two personalities would have been like killing two of his soldiers, wouldn’t it? They had their ideas, their own way to act around everyone else and despite the fact they all wanted to be called with one name and shared all memories and feelings, they weren’t the same. They seemed to be like brothers, like twins, but each with a  different personality. Ah, no he couldn’t have the other two… removed or terminated, even if that would have been possible. which he highly doubted.  
  
  
When he stepped into the med bay, the warlord sighed in annoyance. Talking to his scientist, there stood Blackarachnia, leaning on the console he was working on and gesticulating. From the look, she seemed quite nervous while the other was calm as always.  
They noticed his presence immediately and shockwave bowed his helm, saluting his master, while the femme just moved away and stood straight, looking up at him.  
«My lord, I am sorry for not noticing your presence earlier» Shockwave started «I was currently asking her to have some more details about the patient we need to talk about-» he stopped as the other raised his servo to halt him.  
«Blackarachnia, you get out» was the simple order he gave as he approached to the two. The black and purple femme didn’t waste any time and moved the two pairs of scarlet optics from him, directly to the exit as she bowed the helm and quickly left the two alone without saying a word.  
  
He didn’t want her around. Especially if they had to talk about Blitzwing. The scientist had to reset his vocalizer a few times before speaking «My lord?» he started «I hope I didn’t upset you by summoning her here for asking her a few questions…»  
«No Shockwave. You didn’t.» came the quick answer.     
And he knew exactly why his leader didn’t like to see her, after all… she was the one who damaged completely the triplechanger’s processor. Sure the autobots obviously did most of the job, but that glitched femme only added something the other couldn’t stand at all during such a delicate operation. Megatron allowed her to repair him and see if she could have done something more… but that something more only ruined everything.  
Shockwave shook his helm. How did she think that experimenting on that certain mech would have been a good idea? Sure, she wanted to have her little tests to solve her own problem… but tampering like that with his processor? Anyone would have been smart enough not to experiment on him right after being rescued!  
  
The scientist looked up at his master and started to talk «Sir, about Blitzwing… He seems to be remembering about… Astrotrain.»  
Megatron sighed and waited for the other to continue, but whatever he was going to say, he already knew this was going to end very bad. Astrotrain, huh? Yes, he knew who he was, the so called “Decepticon ride”, strong and resistant, able to travel across the galaxy and protect his companions while under attack thanks to his thick armor and his battle skills. He remembered how much him and Blitzwing were close to each other.  
He remembered when the other remained next to him more than everyone else every time he finished all the fuel and was only forced to stay still and rest, while all his teammates went to fight. He remembered Blitzwing’s terrified scream when the silver and purple mech fell on the hard ground, spluttering his surroundings with Energon. He remembered how the other tried to stop the leaking in any possible way, with his own servos, with broken pieces belonging to fallen soldiers… he even stood up to go look for Astrotrain’s limbs that only Primus knew where they landed! Then everything else that happened after that seemed to be fading, the memories were confused. Megatron wasn’t close to the two that day but he could guess that they got separated, since after that… he didn’t have more memories of them being together.       
   
 «Lugnut was working in his same room… and he reported to me what happened» the scientist calm voice managed to get his master’s attention once again, then twitched an antennae and continued «He had a literal breakdown, losing control completely and starting to cry right after mentioning his triplechanger companion.»  
«Cry?» The leader repeated, almost not believing the other’s words. Blitzwing cried? He wasn’t used of seeing his soldiers crying, not even Starscream did cry every time he got punished. They were so used to war and pain no one ever did that for thousands of stellar cycles! Or maybe, he thought, they simply didn’t do it in front of him. Yes… that was probably the most logical reason. They were afraid of showing weakness in front of their leader, showing they were hurt either physically or emotionally. For Spark sake, they were Decepticons, not numb machines. And almost every single one has been changed completely by something that left them broken… only to be put back together in a way or another, keeping forever their scars.  
  
«Yes, my lord» Shockwave nodded and turned towards the console, opening a file that contained Blitzwing’s dates and informations «but what worries me the most, is the fact he showed the desire of offlining himself».  
And this time the Decepticons leader optics opened wide, both in shock and worry, but remained silent and let the other continue. «His most unstable persona was the one saying that» the scientist opened a specific dossier about that personality, filled with information he constantly added every time he observed a new behavior, no matter how relevant it was.  
«I came to the conclusion that this persona is unable to keep his thoughts being thoughts. For him, it’s almost impossible keeping himself from doing the first thing he may think about» Shockwave twitched his antennae once again «he doesn’t seem to care about the purpose of certain actions, he doesn’t even care about finding one» he added. For a mech like him, always seeking logic in any action, this kind of behavior was quite frustrating.  
«Now… about what causes my patient to set on this unstable personality…» he returned to face his master «We can say that until now I only discovered that when he cannot keep calm because of some uncomfortable situation, that has nothing to do with making him angry or impatient, our triplechanger loses control and the random personality takes over.»  
  
«Uncomfortable situation, like remembering about his dead companion.» Megatron thought out loud. The purple mech nodded «We can say it’s a self protection…» he explained «I noticed he risks to lose control even when he’s scared… but always manages to remain calm in those occasions.»  
Shockwave closed the file with a swift movement «The more uncomfortable the situation becomes, the easier is for the unstable persona to arrive».  
«So you’re saying this… random personality only arrives to protect his calm and cold one from painful thoughts or feelings?» Megatron asked, starting to understand how this worked.  
 «Yes, in his own way of course. But this self protection can be quite dangerous, as the other does the first thoughs that comes across his processor. Even if that would be killing himself.»  
The warlord took a deep intake and growled lowly, finally understanding how serious this situation became. No, this wasn’t good at all.  
«But he didn’t attempt…» He tried to keep the voice low and calm, despite how nervous he felt. It was frustrating being unable to control his subordinates. In these cases there was nothing he could do. If his soldier suddenly decided to grab a gun and shoot right through his own spark in a room all alone, his leader wouldn’t have been bale to stop him. «No, he didn’t» Shockwave answered, trying to reassure the other «he only did vent with crying instead of hurting himself.»  
  
«Lugnut was there with him» he continued, turning to stare at the console, considering if opening it again to have another look at the rest of the information he recently added. «Blitzwing is fond on him, despite the little discussions they seem to have in rare occasions.» He rolled his only red optic «Probably due to their short tempered personality… by the way, these discussions never seem to last more than a couple of cycles.»  
Megatron sighed. Well, who would have said that? The two seemed to be getting along quite well… not as perfect Blitzwing used to be with… Astrotrain and Octane. But it sure was better than nothing, since being around the large mech had him not risking to lose control completely.  
  
«I think this means I’ll always ask them to go on mission together. Starscream was the one Blitzwing started to fight with for no reason at all. It’s too early to send them together on missions. And that seeker doesn’t need to teach him anything stupid.» The warlord decided «And now I think I should go talk to Blitzwing».  
«Lord Megatron, I was thinking about doing a little exam on him first.» Shockwave said, but already getting ready to open his comm link «Should I tell him to come later as I already requested him to come here?».  
The taller mech remained quiet for an instant, then shook the head «In this case… it’s better if you do what you have planned. I already gave you enough work, no need to give you more trouble as well.»  
Shockwave raised the antennae and tilted his helm «Sir, you never gave me any trouble…» he started, confused «I’ll do whatever you order me, I’ll always manage to arrange things.»  
«It doesn’t matter» his leader shrugged and started to walk to the door «I’l talk to him after you’re done with this exam.»  
  
  
Megatron sighed, laying on the berth and trying to think about a proper way to talk to the triplechanger. Yelling and shouting was something completely useless in this case. He should have found another way to make the other understand what he had to say.  
He found himself unable to blame the soldier for this behavior of his. How could he not understand how he felt? Megatron lost so many friends and soldiers during the stellar cycles, that he finally decided not to grow attached to anyone anymore. But despite how cold he tried to be, he couldn’t deny that inside he cared about his soldiers… or he wouldn’t be here being worried about Blitzwing right now!     
  
So, he decided think about him again. After so much time, the warlord let those memories return and focused on them. He remembered the blue frame, his constant professionalism and the monotone voice. He remembered how he managed to read each emotion that crimson visor and pure white mask kept hidden as time passed by. Megatron knew from the beginning that another soldier so loyal yet affectionate wouldn’t have existed.  
He let the datapad he was holding slide down on the berth next to him. He offlined his optics and allowed himself to view those images again. The light frame shivering in his powerful dark servos, the soft white arms and deep blue helm cracking and the beautiful colors fading into an unnatural grey. The glass covering his chest completely shattered, stained in a purple liquid that wouldn’t stop coming out. Deep inside the hole, the once bright light of his very spark, began to fade and in that moment there was nothing he could do to stop that. This time, not even his most loyal soldier would have been able to follow his order if Megatron demanded him not to die. And the warlord didn’t want him to leave while the other thought he disappointed his master.  
  
“ _Soundwave…_ ” his own voice echoed through his processor “ _… don’t struggle, relax and let go... and… wait for me…_ ” he ordered instead, softly caressing the other’s already pale digits.  
Then slowly, the visor fell on the hard ground, shortly followed by the mask that shattered and crumbled as he slowly retracted it. His soldier revealed a pair of tired optics, glowing weakly like a dying ember and a soft ivory smile.  
" _Yes… lord Megatron"_ his voice now free and natural was the last thing thing his leader managed to hear from him, before the smaller and tense frame relaxed and the small light faded with the last shade of color of his now immobile chassis.  
Megatron remembered how he held his friend’s corpse close to his own chest, as if hoping his own spark would have been enough to make the other return. His dear Soundwave, his beloved friend and loyal soldier… he was gone.  
  
  
The warlord onlined his optics and realized he fell into recharge. He sighed and went to sit up. So, Blitzwing was feeling this kind of pain? There was no way he was going to yell at him or acting angry. Sure, he had to remain serious while talking but… but he was already quite weak and it was obvious he couldn’t still give up on his friend.  
  
A couple of knocks at the door got the big mech’s attention and he quickly pushed the datapad away. «What?!» he hissed, still quite shocked from being pulled back into reality from the previous thoughts he was having. He tried to calm down but the voice that reached his audio receptors had him huffing and rolling his optics.  
«Ah well, always very happy it seems!»  
«Starscream…» he sighed and stood up, stretching lightly and shaking the helm «What do you want?» he asked in annoyance  
«Oh nothing my lord, I just want to see if you’re still alive! You can never know with mechs of your age» he shouted through the door. Before he could receive and insult  he quickly added «I want to talk! What else could I want?». The warlord slowly walked over to the door and smirked «After last time…? you can never know…» he used his own words against him and remained quiet. He managed to suppress a laugher when he head the other growling from the other side of the door.  
«Open!» the seeker only hissed, hitting the big door once with probably his pede.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay let's a say a thing here.  
> Soundwave was Megatron's friend since... since the beginning, the most loyal soldier ever... BUT NO!  
> In Animated he just... he was a toy(??) and then became a Decepticon. I don't wanna complain every time but, I refuse to belive TFA Soundwave is supposed to be the Soundwave from G1 (Because I remind you, in the first episode of Aniamted we get a G1 reference and Ratchet says they're old videos. Now, unless Optimus is watching cartoons those are recordings from the actual war)  
> In this story at least, in my headcanon the TFA Soundwave is just another guy that shares the same name and same look (kinda), but they are not the same mech.
> 
> PS: also, no I don't hate TFA Soundwave, let's write this before some fan decide to slaughter me I already had to deal with people who think you're offending their favourite character and come kill you--  
> I like them both okay??It doesn't have to be like this (one bot) when it can be like that (two bots) I got two hands and everything or.. whatever.
> 
> What the slag am I even saying...??


	5. Sleepless night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Units of time:
> 
>  
> 
> 1 Nanoklik - 1 second
> 
> 1 Cycle - 1 minute and 30 seconds
> 
> 1 Joor - 1 hour
> 
> 1 Solar Cycle - 1 day
> 
> 1 Deca Cycle - 10 days
> 
> 1 Stellar Cyle - 1 year
> 
> 1 Vorn - 80 years

When the door slid open, the warlord followed with his optics his Second literally jumping inside. He was pouting and his silver faceplates seemed to be glowing with purple energon.  
«Well thank you for letting me inside at last…!» the smaller mech said in annoyance after the door hissed closed once again.  
«Less of your impudence Starscream» Megatron growled as he quickly wrapped a servo around both the seeker’s wrists. His sharp wings quickly lowered and laid down against his back as his expression changed into a more worried one. His master still had the other arm free and the magenta mech started to shiver and pulling to get away. He let out a startled whimper as the black digits approached his faceplates and immediately offlined his optics.  
«Look at you, not so irrespecutful anymore, hm?» the warlord whispered in the other’s audio receptor. «I-I never meant to be irrespecutful, my lord-» his second stuttered, darling to look up at the much bigger mech who only growled at him.  
«Liar» he hissed, pulling the seeker closer with a violent movement, but the other servo didn’t even lay on the other’s helm yet, the digits only lightly caressing the soft metal.  
«You beautiful liar…» his tone softened and the seeker's wings started to slowly rise up once again as his wrists were released.  
  
When Megatron took a step back, he saw the other taking a deep intake and trying to keep a more serious expression. «Alright, my dear Second…» he started, going to sit on the berth, laying his legs down  «come tell me what you came here for.»  
The flier tilted his helm, why was his leader laying down on the berth? What was it? He was so old he couldn’t even sit on a chair or—  
When he saw the silver mech petting lightly on his lap with a servo and curling up a digit with the other as a sign for him to come closer, the magenta seeker gulped down the cold air and approached his leader. So… he intended to talk while they stayed like that? Well, apparently he was! Because he felt being grabbed by powerful arms and pulled up against his master, his back laying on the massive warm chassis.  
  
«I’m listening.» the warlord whispered as he began to massage the elegant wings that immediately leaned against his servos.  
«Hm… I have some new information about Blitzwing» Starscream said «And I thought you would have wanted to hear them-».  
«Hm? New information? And how did you find them?» the big mech asked, gaining a loud purr from his flier «Who seeks shall find and I, my liege, I am the most skilled seeker in the universe». Ah of course, how could he forget how big his ego was?  
«Sure, my little seeker» he whispered, tracing the edges of the soft appendages with his digits and receiving a second purr from the owner «And I see you actually listened to what I asked you…». He was actually surprised the other was doing this. Well, probably saying that Shockwave was a better scientist had made him nervous enough to make him want to show who was the best really was on the Nemesis.    
  
«If I get a reward for my job…» his Second started while he tried look at him in the optics before lightly fluttering his wings «I’ll do whatever you want, master». Megatron did his best to remain calm and only brushed his lips against the other’s shoulderplates «So what did you find?» he simply asked.  
«When I heard him shouting and went to see what happened, he was completely out of control…» the flier started «and I saw how caressing his wings has the same effect it may have on seekers like me, while we look for comfort». «It doesn’t arouse him though!» he quickly added «I saw how he got touched and something like that would have another effect on me, while that only calmed him down» Megatron smiled and shook his helm before asking «then how do you seekers do this, to comfort each other?».  
Starscream remained quiet for a moment. Why did he ask that? To know how to comfort his soldier or.. him? He smiled and fluttered the wings once again before starting to explain «We usually caress in the middle of the plating, … no, not so close to the base… more like… yes there» he nodded when the warlord reached the right spot, then continued to talk «we lay our digits flat on the surface, without making the other feel the claws… and stroke making a circling movement… not too fast… yes, slow».  
The flier offlined the optics and leaned on those calm and gentle strokes, purring lowly and appreciating something he didn’t receive in… vorns probably. And it felt nice.  
  
It felt so weird… those black servos always made his wings tremble in fear, being the things that so often damaged them. While now, they were giving him such a good feeling… nothing to do with what he felt the other day or before. Seekers never needed to be told when such a gentle treatment was necessary. Apparently grounders didn’t know much of their body language, that was why  fliers like him always preferred to stay with other fliers! His leader’s servos were nothing like his own, not light, not swift. But he couldn’t deny how much he would have always wanted to receive such a treatment every time he needed some comfort.  
  
«You did a good job my dear Starscream» Megatron whispered when he finally pulled away his servos, and the seeker stretched, trying to turn around and look up at his leader with a sly grin.  
«Well, anyway!» he started «I’ve done what you wanted, no? Did I deserve my reward, master?» he asked, biting his lower derma and having the wings twitching with anticipation. The silver mech grinned lightly and slid a servo up the other’s chassis, if possible pushing  him closer against himself before answering «Of course, my pet».    
  
  
Was it too much asking for a calm recharge on the Nemesis? Well apparently it was! Megatron woke up and onlined his optics as a loud noise reached his audio receptors. He felt his spark spinning quickly in his chassis. He couldn’t immediately realize what that was as he was in deep recharge a nanoklik before! The warlord stood up and looked over at the door. Starscream left before he could finally rest, he was alone… now what was happening? The sound still didn’t leave and when he focused a bit more on it, he recognized what that was. A laugher! A very loud laugher… and that was way too difficult to confuse with someone else’s. Blitzwing’s random persona was laughing. Now. While everyone was supposed to be recharging!  
  
He sprinted out in the corridor and ran down the hallway. What the frag was he laughing at? What was happening? Was he in danger? Was he having one of his breakdowns again now everyone was resting? The conversation he had with Shockwave before leaving the med bay that evening only made him worry more.  
The loud noises coming from other directions made him understand he wasn’t the only one who woke up intending to go find he triplechanger. He could hear Starscream thrusters too… was he literally flying through the hallways? Megatron accidentally hit his arm against Shockwave as he turned around a corner. The purple mech gasped and tripped, falling forward and almost hitting against the floor before the warlord’s servo quickly grabbed him first from an antennae then from his shoulder.  
«Ah! Thank you my lord-» he managed to say as he quickly went back running. He was the one who knew more things about the random personality and it wasn’t a surprise seeing him so panicked.  
  
They all arrived pretty much in the exact same moment. Shockwave slammed the door open and jumped in the dark room, when suddenly another light filled the area as a second door opened and Lugnut charged inside, almost hitting against the scientist who swiftly threw himself out of the way. Then from the same entrance where Megatron and the purple mech came from, the small femme threw herself in, gasping at the sight of Lugnut and quickly jumping up on the ceiling then back over the opposite door. But in that moment the magenta seeker flew in, and seeing Blackarachnia almost hitting him in the face, quickly thew himself on the floor, landing on all four and using his sharp claws to stop himself from slipping. He then growled, struggling to stand up again as Lugnut tried to gain his balance and when he failed of doing so, he fell, making an even louder noise that echoed through the empty hallways of the Nemesis. Shockwave backed away and accidentally stepped over the femme’s long leg, who pushed him away and swiftly crawled up the wall and turning back up on the ceiling, feeling safer there apparently.  
  
If in that moment he wouldn’t be so worried about the triplechanger, that situation would have made him snap and had him shooting at ever single mech in that fragging room.  
When he finally spotted Blitwing red glowing optics and mouth, he approached him quickly. He was there, sitting on the floor, pointing at an empty cube of Energon positioned on top of a tower of other three full cubes. But at the moment he was busy staring at all the others and after not even a cycle of silence he began to laugh again, rolling on his back.  
  
Blackarachnia was the first one to talk in there. «An empty cube.» she hissed, loud enough for everyone to hear despite the laugher «He was laughing at an empty cube?!» she yelled, jumping off the ceiling.  
Starscream finally managed to stand up as well and growled, raising his wings up in a sharp angle while Lugnut grabbed Blitzwing’s cannons to pull him up on his pedes «Blitzwing!!» he growled, obviously still angry for falling down.  
Shockwave quickly approached them and grabbed Blitzwing’s servos, trying to take him away from the furious and much bigger mech, while the triplechanger finally stopped laughing and the dark faceplates turned towards his leader, smiling despite frowning lightly. «Oh I’m so sorry! Did I wake you up?» he asked, tilting he helm and starting to shiver as the finally realized how angry Megatron was at the moment. The random personality wasn’t that stupid and could recognize when his leader was at one step from shooting him in he face. «You stupid three-face slagger are going to make such a mess one day, you’ll get us all killed!» the femme growled, pointing at the mech Shockwave was still trying to pick up. «Well, you should have thought of that before screwing up his processor completely!» the seeker screeched back in her face «This is also your fault! Well done you and your experiments!» and this finally caused the ruckus once again.  
She began to yell back at the seeker, Lugnut released Blitzwing and went to shout at them to close  their mouths while the scientist finally managed to pull the shivering mech back close to his leader.  
«Stay OUT of this you giant idiot!» she growled «and YOU flybot never did something good in your entire existence, so take that vocalizer of yours and eat it!» «You disgusting hybrid better eat your own words instead!» Starscream screeched, getting so close  he seemed to be ready to jump at her and tear away pieces of metal with his own denta.  
   
«Quiet now..!» the purple mech released the triplechanger and went to push the two smaller mechs far from each other while staring angrily at Lugnut as the big mech raised his voice to shout insults at the other two «Stop it now, you all!» he tried to keep his own voice quite calm at least. Stupid mechs… what was this even? A comedy?!  
  
What had them all immediately stilling and going quiet wasn’t him. It was the furious warlord’s voice and loud of his fusion cannon charging. «Silence!» he shouted.  
Now there was such a silence they all seemed to have turned into statues, now one moving, no one stuttering one single word.  
All this tension between his soldiers wouldn’t have done any good to the cause. And this made Megatron quite furious as well now! «Blitzwing.» he growled, staring down at the now blue faceplates «You go back to recharge in your room. Immediately» he took a step closer and added «And you stay in there until I come tell you when you can get out. Are we clear?»  
The smaller mech nodded and stuttered «Y-ya… y-yes my lord» before sprinting out of the room to going hide probably under his berth or behind it.  
The silver mech returned his attention to the rest of his soldier, his bloody red optics glowing with rage. «As for the rest of you, I don’t want to hear one single sound for the rest of the night or I swear I’ll make you all wish I would have simply decided to offline you». Nobody spoke. Nobody. Not even Lugnut, nor Starscream dared to test their leader’s patience… well, what patience? It was all gone by now.  
  
  
Blitzwing didn’t manage to fall in recharge for the rest of the night. He remained curled up on the berth, shaking and biting his glossa while scratching his own servos.  
What the damn was he exactly thinking? Megatron was furious and for a good reason! He simply woke up at night and went out… to laugh at a cube because of how it looked? They probably thought the Nemesis could be under attack or something…! «Ve are in real trouble now» he murmured to himself and only smacked his blue faceplates once he realized what pronoun he used again  
_“He’s ze idiot who woke up everyone!_ ”  
“ _Ops? I zaid ops!_ ”  
«Now he’z going to punish me… and it vill hurt.» the triplechanger gulped down some air as he felt coolant collecting in his visible optic and running down his cheek, just when his cooling fans finally got switched on. He felt sick… he needed to purge and at the same time he knew he didn’t really have to do that.  
  
“ _Vat are you doing?! Stop it! Don’t zay dat! He von’t punish you here! You already forgot vat happened last time?!_ ”  
Yes… last time he simply talked, but last time he wasn’t this angry and maybe now he simply sent him away because all he wanted was to go back to recharge peacefully… Oh Primus only knew what he was going to do to him!  
And obviously, the poor triplechanger stayed up the whole night, shaking and trying to find a way to avoid his leader’s rage, but it seemed impossible. He was there in his room, like prisoner waiting to get executed. It felt terrible and at one point he really went to purge in the small wash racks. The two voices in his processor were both telling him to get a hold of himself but that didn’t help. It only had him lose control and his random personality began to hick, sobbing and giggling as silently as he could while crouched over the berth.  
  
  
Time passed so slowly Blitzwing wondered how many solar cycles he remained locked in there, but when heavy footsteps reached his audio receptors, the triplechanger suddenly realized how short time passed since he ran back in his room!  
«Oh frag!» his short tempered persona hissed, taking control for a nanocklik, but the faceplates moved once again and the cold one stared at the door without talking, just tightening his denta and shaking violently. When the door opened, the random personality took over once again and let out a frightened whimper, throwing himself off of the berth.  
The warlord stepped inside, he still had that serious and cold expression with a hint of anger in his burning crimson optics that were staring right into his ones open wide and glowing in fear.  
Whatever he was going to do to him, the triplechanger had no damn clue and wasn’t really happy he was about to find out, so when his leader closed the door, he quickly fell onto his knees and started to sob and giggle at the same time like he did all night «Master ve’re so sorry! Ve’re sorry!» he still had that unnaturally wide smile on his faceplates, but his optics began to drip with coolant one more time «Bitte! Don’t hurt uz! Forgive uz!» he quickly bowed his helm and grabbed on the tall mech’s pede after he literally threw himself down on the floor. «Bitte vergib uns…?» the triplechanger sobbed, looking back up at his leader «Ve’ll do anything, just don’t hit uz, that vill hurt!».  
  
Megatron remained quiet, his angry expression transforming into a surprised one. How scared could he be with having such a reaction? He was completely out of control.  
«Well, start with letting go of me.» he huffed, trying to pull away from the other’s grasp and crossing the arms over his chassis. When the other let go, he rolled the optics «And then stand up.» he added, but couldn’t stay angry or not even nervous once he saw his soldier shaking and hiccuping.  
«Blitzwing…» he shook the helm and moved his servo, laying it on the triplechanger’s shoulder, then slowly pulled him closer «listen now, I don’t want to hurt you.» he murmured, feeling the smaller frame shake in panic «I would have done it yesterday, don’t you think?» his voice was very calm and low, trying to make him understand there was nothing to fear now.  
«Oh? Really, sir?» Blitzwing tilted his helm and gasped once again as he felt Megatron’s strong servo grabbing on his wing, but immediately shuttered the optics and leaned onto his touch. He leaned on the other’s arm, wrapping his own servos around it as those digits stroked the purple plating softly, making him relax. He soon stopped to shiver and the dark faceplates of the random persona switched back to the light blue ones of the more calm and controlled one.     
  
This time the warlord felt better as well, apparently he finally started to find proper ways to have the soldier calming down. This was just the beginning, sure… but it was better than nothing. Starscream wasn’t a cold scientist like Shockwave, but was way more careful about body language and about how pushing someone to feel certain emotions… as a seeker was supposed to do. While the other studied the behavior of a patient, reasoning on what actions caused the other to change his mood.  
The big silver mech kept his voice low as he continued to caress the triplechanger’s wing«I came here to talk. Now calm yourself and then tell me when you are ready to listen to me. I know you wouldn’t pay attention if you’re still nervous».

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright a little note here,  
> some translation may be necessary: "Bitte" means "Please" in this case. And "Bitte vergib uns" means "please forgive us"  
> Yes... Poor Blitzwing is scared.


	6. Fly for them

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Units of time:
> 
>  
> 
> 1 Nanoklik - 1 second
> 
> 1 Cycle - 1 minute and 30 seconds
> 
> 1 Joor - 1 hour
> 
> 1 Solar Cycle - 1 day
> 
> 1 Deca Cycle - 10 days
> 
> 1 Stellar Cyle - 1 year
> 
> 1 Vorn - 80 years

«Sir…» Blitzwing sighed and finally let go of his leader’s arm. His frame stropped to shake and the spark in his chassis seemed to be back spinning with regular speed. «I’m… very sorry. You’ve told me to control my actions…» he murmured, staring down at the floor.  
«I did, but I don’t want to talk about this» Megatron quickly stopped him and tried to move away his servo, but when the other unconsciously pushed the plating back against his digits, he returned to stroke the purple appendage. They weren’t as soft and delicate as Starscream’s ones, he could feel how much heavier and resistant they were and wondered how this kind of light touch could be even felt by his soldier. After all, seekers were already existing before war, while triplechangers were a project that has been developed during the battles. They needed to be strong, resistant, skilled, fast. They all had thick armors, very hard to shatter, that was why Blitzwing never reported a single damage every time he saw him playing around and hitting against a wall after a bad landing. Starscream was more careful about hitting against objects while flying, as that would have ruined his fragile frame and the even more those delicate wings he had.  
  
«I want to talk about some things that happen during war…» the warlord continued, looking down at the lightly smaller mech. This discussion was probably going to hurt them both, but mostly the triplechanger, since he was the most fragile one at the moment. At least emotionally and mentally.    
«You were created with one purpose, do you remember?» he started, mentioning the other’s first days after being built. From what he came to know, his creators and the scientists who worked on the Triplechanger Project were reluctant on allowing them to develop a too detailed intelligence. But Megatron didn’t want objects as soldiers… objects were too easy to turn against their actual leader, objects wouldn’t get scared and object don’t show respect. Objects don’t think. Objects can be stopped by anyone who manages to think with their own processor.  
«I…remember.» Blitzwing calm persona sighed.  
  
He was given a proper processor and got allowed to take decisions, speak freely and show what he felt. And he was there when some discussed about only allowing him to have a poor intellect, to avoid to have him rebelling at one point. And, Primus how much that scared him.  
He didn’t want to turn back being a machine with no emotions, just to be easily controlled by anyone. He couldn’t even describe how it felt… because it simply didn’t feel like anything! It wasn’t a good emotion.. not even a bad one. But that nothing was what made him scared.  
He understood that only living creatures could feel and realize they were actually alive! If he would have stopped feeling… he would have stopped thinking and living.  
  
  
He remembered the exact day that happened. He was bound on a berth, unable to move and connected to so many machines making each a different but annoying sound. They were monitoring his brain activity and emotions. Useless to say he didn’t understand a damn thing written on all those monitors, but understood very well with the scientists were talking about.  
He couldn’t do anything in that moment. He could only wait and hope they would have changed their mind… Seriously anyway, what did that even mean?! Making him understand what life was only to take it away?! Couldn’t they decide earlier and not make him feel anything at all instead? At least it wouldn’t have hurt.  
  
He focused on the berth right next to his own and finally heard a new voice. They were awake too and they’ve been complaining since the mechs right outside of the cell began to talk. He was probably insulting them, not happy about the decision they seemed to be taking. He had very long wings, nothing like his own which were kind of short and not that thin either. But like him, he had that silvery color without paint.  
But the first one who talked to him was another mech at his left. Tied down as well and full of wires that seemed to be covering his whole frame. He was so tall, the wings incredibly large and strong. «Hey you» was the first thing he said as those tired yellow optics focused on his own. «do you hear those idiots?» he asked with a hint of panic in his vocals «They want to turn us into brainless machines again…». He quickly nodded and gulped down some air as he took one big intake. «Ah you two are up as well?» gasped the first mech Blitzing saw, the slim appendages twitching a couple of time as to gain their attention, which obviously worked. «Yes, they are afraid of us…» he added «and now they decide to keep full control on our minds so we can’t hurt them».  
Was it because of their size? Blitzwing tilted his helm and sighed. Well, yes… those mechs who worked on him seemed pretty small, even if here he was the smaller one… with shorter wings. «Yes… but we didn’t do anything at all to make them fear us-» he said, trying to keep calm but obviously showing how worried he was.    
Everything started like this, having no one but those in his same situation rattling on those berth and able to do nothing but pray Primus that their creators would have let them live.  
They talked so much in that short time, trying to share their fear and trying to feel better before… whatever they would have decided to do. At one point they began to ask each other even the most useless things, like what color they would have liked to become if by any chance they would have “survived” this situation.  
«White and purple maybe? And silver.. my wings would be beautiful if they’d look like long silver blades» the first mech answered «Hey I was thinking about purple too» the tallest quickly said «My wings would totally be purple!» and Blitzwing grinned «Me too, purple’s the most elegant color ever if you ask me.»  
  
But this situation was supposed to end soon, as the three heard footsteps getting closer and everyone outside was finally done talking. Whatever they decided, no one managed to hear a thing and now those scientists were coming back in that cell. Pure panic crawled up in their spark chambers as they immediately went quiet.  
«L-listen you two…» he whispered, getting  back their attention «If we get out of here alive… I’m not gonna ever leave you guys. We’ll be a trio… and since we love that color so much… we’ll all have purple on us. All three!»  
There was a light chuckle from both directions  
«Of course, we’ll do that»  
«Yep, it’s a promise!»  
  
  
A promise… he couldn’t keep. No one of them could keep that promise apparently. Blitzwing stopped thinking about that day, as the images became way too confused and hearing those two voices was so painful…  
They weren’t together anymore, no more a trio. And here he was the only one wearing purple. He sighed and smiled weakly. How weird, even if one of them would have changed their paint, the purple insignia would have remained. Yes, even if their bodies were probably grey now.. they all remained purple inside, they all remained Decepticons.  
«I-I… remember» Blitzwing repeated, trying not to break one more time in front of the warlord.  
«And you do remember… them.»  
This time the triplechanger gasped, jumping lightly and looking up in the other’s scarlet optics. Did he just read his mind or something? Or was it just so obvious?  
  
«Listen Blitzwing, It’s normal thinking about your triplechanger companions. They were built with you… and your purpose was: fighting.» Megatron caressed the other’s back now, letting go of his wing «But you weren’t turned into killing machines without a processor. Because I’m not interested into being followed by a bunch of mindless drones.» he explained with a very calm tone, his voice was still serious but not that cold anymore.  
«I do understand perfectly how you’re feeling. The only difference is that I just seem to be used of it.» what he was about to say was going to bother him so much… admitting he also felt pain. The powerful and cruel leader of the Decepticons wasn’t a killing machine himself, it was quite obvious he had emotions, but everyone seemed to be forgetting about that. «We lost someone important…» he sighed, as if just remembering about all his dead soldiers caused him physical pain «someone that won’t be given back to us.» he finished, offlining his optics and taking a short pause.  
The triplechanger’s frame got pushed closer once again, the helm leaning on the strong arm one more time.  
«Not just me and you» the warlord continued to talk while staring down at Blitzwing’s visible optic «my Second in command has lost more than you can imagine.»     
  
It was true. Starscream lost two dear mates just like him… and the triplechanger knew it. He remembered about them. Skywarp and Thundercracker. The two seekers were leaded by him even before war started, they were his brothers, his mates. Something only seekers used to have, this close relationship with two other mechs… so similar to him and Octane and Astrotrain.  
The blue flier always seemed to be the calmest, the one who kept them all together.. but it wasn’t true. He was indeed making them avoid to fight, but Skywarp was the one who pushed them all to actually discuss. In a relationship like theirs, dialogue was necessary…but not too much… and with Thundercracker’s help, it was a perfect mix. Starscream was the one they followed and trusted. How weird it seemed… The little treacherous flier was the one who kept them all three trusting each other. He was the protective one. Distance, interaction and protection. All three mixed perfectly together to form their trine.  
But now… The trine was no more. Starscream was the only one left. The one who was supposed to protect them all. Who apparently failed in doing so. And he was obviously aware of that.  
  
Blitzwing wondered if deep inside, this constant disrespect that only seemed to be growing towards Megatron was caused by this. The seeker was the lord of Vos, every flier respected him and followed his commands. And after joining the Decepticon cause his soldiers began to fall… one by one. He lead them to their fall… and was unable to protect them.  
Oh Primus… Blitzwing never actually thought about that. Starscream never showed how broken he was after losing his last two and most loved brothers, and there was no way he never did because he never felt a thing! Maybe… because he was only trying to show how strong he was, trying not to let others take advantage of his terrible situation showing weakness. There were so many mechs who would have done anything to get his position of Second in command. That seeker… he wasn’t even allowed to lose control. He wasn’t allowed to cry if he wanted to live.  
At least no one would have killed him if he ever began to cry or act like an idiot every time his random persona took over! It really was time to reconsider his situation…  
  
«But I’ll tell you one thing, Blitzwing» Megatron said «I’ve never seen him trying to reach those he lost. In fact… I’ve never seen any other mech who refused to die more than he did.». It was true. His little seeker has been close to death so many times because of so many reasons, but never gave up. Ever. He kept on getting hurt, but the warlord doubted killing him would have ever been easy… quite the opposite actually.

  
«S-sir?» the soldier gasped, shivering lightly. He was talking about that wasn’t he? Of course.. Lugnut told him how he reacted yesterday. His leader came to know he thought about ending his life…  
«And you know why those who lose someone shouldn’t try to reach them?» the silver mech said «Because those who love us, would never ever wish to drag us down in the abyss when they’re sinking.».  
  
  
This time it was the calmest personality the one who started to cry. He didn’t simply tear, he literally cried. everything his lord said was true… it was true. «I-I… V-ve know…!» he sobbed, going back to hug Megatron’s arm, squeezing it lightly this time. His faceplates shifted and his angry personality took control «They … vouldn’t vant uz dead! They vould never wish dat». It’s been so long since he let go and cried like that, letting out all that pain that he bottled up… and he was angry yes. He was angry at himself. He was angry for thinking about giving up and offline himself, thinking that was what his dear friend would have wanted… how could he consider himself a friend if he thought that was what they wanted? How stupid he was! What kind of friend would want his companions to die too just to be with them??  
«V-verdammt! Ve’re such idiots! Damn it! Damn it!» he kept on crying, unable to stop now he started, but that didn’t seem important at the moment.  
  
«It’s alright, Blitzwing…» Megatron wrapped his other arm around the smaller mech’s back once again and started to caress on the purple wings again. «Everything is alright» he murmured, staring blankly in front of himself.  
Since when did he actually start to care so much for one of his soldiers he started to work himself to make them feel better? It was such a rare case… Sometimes he discovered sides of himself he seemed to be forgetting about.  
The frame next to his was still shaking lightly, but much less and even the sobs were stopping. It took more than half a joor for him to stop crying, and when he finally looked up, the Decepticon leader could still see some tears of coolant sliding out from under the burning red visor. «Don’t be angry at yourself. We all tend to take wrong decisions when we’re in pain» the warlord said calmly «But we can all change our mind before doing the wrong actions.».  
   
The triplechanger sighed and stared down on the floor for a couple of cycles, then the calmer personality managed to gain back control.  
«That’s better» his leader said, nodding once and letting go once again «Now.. Shockwave did a little exam on you yesterday, but just asked to have another after yesterday night’s incident. You’re supposed to go in the bed bay in a joor and half.»  
Blitzwing blinked and tilted his helm in confusion. True… Megatron didn’t talk about that little incident at all! He was ignoring it? Or.. he would have talked about it later?  
«Understood, lord Megatron. I von’t make him vait.» he simply answered, nodding lightly. The warlord stepped away and walked to the door «Ah, after you’re done… see to return and search for those resources like you were doing last time.» he ordered before stepping out of the room.  
  
  
Alright. Plenty more time before before that exam. And he had nothing to do. But he wasn’t feeling that stressed anymore. He was calm for once. Maybe he should have tried to recharge a little… staying up all night hasn’t been the best idea and he was actually starting to feel pretty tired now that all that anxiety was gone. And crying for such a long time actually tired him!  
But there was something that got his attention now… He was curious about starscream’s behavior. How did he manage to survive for such a long time… with no one ever trying to help him? How did he go through such a dark period of his life… all by himself? Well, maybe bringing back those memories wouldn’t have been that nice .. but he needed to know.  
He wanted to know how he never showed how broken he felt.  
  
Blitzwing kept on repeating himself how stupid this idea was, how he should have left the damn seeker alone! But it was too late, he was already in the control room and the flier was boringly staring up at the large screen. He was still in time to go away and leave him alone… Then the magenta seeker turned around and stared at him. Alright, no. He didn’t have time to leave now.  
«What is it Blitzwing?» he tiredly huffed. Oh right… that night he was there when that little incident happened. No wonder he wasn’t that happy to see him. «I… have a question» he answered, slowly approaching the other who simply went to sit over the console, ignoring the annoying beeping sound it made. Then he just remained quiet and raised the long wings up once, only to push them back down right after. When they both remained silent for at least ten nanokliks, Starscream huffed «Well I’m listening! Talk! What is it?» And the triplechanger took a step back to quickly reset his vocalizer before he finally talked «I know you had… a trine» he started, paying more attention to the other’s reactions and movements.  
And just that small sentence was enough to make the seeker’s wings tilt in a sharp angle and his expression turned into a way colder one instead of annoyed like before.  
He knew it. He shouldn’t have went to talk about that! It was so obvious it would have bothered him! But no, he had to do it! «If your damn question is: “where is your trine now?”, I’ll make you eat that only good optic of yours—» but Blitzwing  interrupted him quickly «How did you go through that?» he finally asked the actual question.  
And that managed to make the flier lower the wings quickly, his bloody red optics staring into his as if they were trying to read what did he actually want from him. Probably no one went to ask him certain things before. Finally, he jumped off the console and turned his back to him before taking a deep intake «You want to know how I managed not to get offlined, hm? Not by other’s servos nor by my own. Isn’t that true?»  
  
Yes, that was exactly what he wanted to know and the flier didn’t need an answer «Alright… it’s because of what they told me before they left me.» his voice was very low. Almost a whisper, probably to try and hide his feelings again… but the triplechanger knew very well sadness was and could recognize it. «They told me…» Strscream took another deep intake and shook the helm, the soft wings shivering lightly «They told me… “if we no longer can do that, you will fly for us.”» the metal of the console under the silver digits cracked as the sharp claws digged in it. Blitzwing bit his glossa and took a step back. He didn’t expect such a reaction from the other… he never showed a damn emotion, but mentioning his trine was probably too much even after so many vorns. But he understood how he survived at last. Was it even.. possible? It was hard to believe such a devious Decepticon, treacherous and evil like him… managed to survive that shock thanks to the strong love he felt for his brothers. «Now… Blitzwing» that whisper got back his attention immediately «If it is true that those two you’re thinking about had some of my kind’s programming in them…» the silver wings went low flat against his back, then twitched and tried to return in their natural position «…that’s exactly what they would have told you as well before going away, if they had the possibility of doing so.»  
They both remained silent after that. It was… so obvious he was still thinking about Astrotrain and Octane, wasn’t it? Everyone understood it. But… what he said was true… Megatron said it too. No one would want to drag their loved ones down an abyss they’re sinking into.  
«I understood» he finally said after a couple of cycles and slowly walked out of the control room without testing the other’s patience with more uncomfortable questions…  even if he really had so many things to ask. Better going to rest now, he didn’t really like to go have that exam with Shockwave and falling in recharge on the medical berth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright llittle translation as always first: "verdammt"means "damn it" but that was understandble I guess.
> 
> Now, as always.. this is obviously not canon. In this story Astrotrain, Octane and Blitzwing got created all together, they were the first triplechanger ever created and despite the canon sizes, I think Astrotrain is the biggest (he manages to contain a hundred Decepticons in his Shuttle mode, even Devastator could fit in there without problems). 
> 
> Also, Blitzwing didn't speak German when he got created; I didn't mention it but they were talking their Cybertronian language. Everyone in this story isn't speaking English. They have no reason to speak English since they have their own language. Just... I translated everything or this story wouldn't make sense (I don't speak cybertronian, guys.. and I don't wanna learn it, I'm too lazy).  
> Blitzwing is the only one speaking German, because he already went on Earth in the past (G1, since Animated is apprently a sequel but i've no idea, at least in this story it's a sequel) and remained in Germany for so long that now his pronunciation changed.


	7. Scars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter will contain description of torture. It's not very visual but it's there. You have been warned.
> 
> __
> 
>  
> 
> Units of time:
> 
>  
> 
> 1 Nanoklik - 1 second
> 
> 1 Cycle - 1 minute and 30 seconds
> 
> 1 Joor - 1 hour
> 
> 1 Solar Cycle - 1 day
> 
> 1 Deca Cycle - 10 days
> 
> 1 Stellar Cyle - 1 year
> 
> 1 Vorn - 80 years

  
He didn’t like laying on medical berths. They weren’t just uncomfortable, but he’s been too much time on those things… in so many occasions that now it only made him feel nervous and always had him risking to lose control.  
Shockwave wasn’t a bad medic, he was a little cold maybe, but not violent and inconsiderate when he had to work. Blitzwing took a deep intake and laid the helm down once again as the scientist made a slow movement with the claw as a sign for him to relax and lays down properly. But it was stronger than him! And the triplechanger pushed down on the cold surface with the forearms to turn back up and see what the other was doing. There he was, working on the large console and opening more files, that even if he was too distant to read the information, were obviously about him and his personalities.  
He did this kind of test the other night, nothing to be afraid of honestly… the scientist would have monitored his brain activity, nothing painful. It only made him feel a little weird, nothing more. But this situation worried him anyway.  
«Blitzwing, lay down» the purple mech sighed, this time getting quite tired of repeating himself, but doing nothing to hurt him. He simply circled around the berth and softly laid his claws on the patient’s shoulders, pushing them back down and then turned back over the console. And Blitzwing heard a transformation sound. He didn’t expect Shockwave to transform into anything now, so he looked up and saw… his other form. The Autobot spy form.  
He was still purple, but very short! He had two servos and five digits in each, on the glass of the monitor he saw two light blue optics instead of one.  
How weird being the big Decepticon in such a smaller and weaker shape. He then wondered what he was about to do, maybe he was actually spying on something? But he didn’t start any calling, and then the purple plating still didn’t turn grey, so that wasn’t the case.  
  
After reading what he needed to check, Shockwave shrugged and transformed back into his original form. He wouldn’t have approached the triplechanger in that shape for quite obvious reason, since even simply staying on a medical berth gave the other a lot of trouble. He walked over to a table and collected a few instruments, doing his best not to make the other look at him, but he had to expect he pushed himself up again. And in fact, a rattling noise had him sighing and turning around, only to see the the black faceplates  of the soldier who was now sitting up, the big scarlet optics staring at his.  
«Lay down, Blitzwing» he simply said, acting as if he had everything under control. This already happened the first time and had to waste way more time than what he thought it would have taken for a simple exam. But it really wasn’t the triplechanger’s fault. That mech was afraid of medical berths and being forced to stay down, still while someone worked on his frame. Could he blame him? No.  
No, because that genius of Blackarachnia decided to experiment on him while he was probably still in pain, causing even more damage to some parts that obviously didn’t heal and whatever the Autobot’s did to him, well, it was obviously similar to the situation he was in when se worked: tied down on a berth while they had their fun.  
  
As an answer he received an amused laugher. Then the mech stood up and started to shift on his pedes, humming and making a sound similar to a purr.  
The scientist put the instruments back on the table and pushed it close to the berth. «They’re the same things I used on you yesterday. Now lay down.». With a loud thud, the bigger mech threw himself on the knees right next to the other and laid both servos on the cold metal of the table. He then tilted his helm and stared at the objects in front of him, there were a lot of wires and just one little long object with a pointy end, but not sharp like a scalpel. He knew what that as for, to remove the helmet and attach those worse underneath. It didn’t hurt.  
A long glossa slid out of the bloody red mouth, it curled up lightly and then turned back immediately when he turned the helm to look up at the purple mech «I remember these!» he shouted, making the other take a step back, not expecting the loud tone he used. «Of course you do» was the quick answer when the scientist nodded, now gaining his composure back in a nanoklik «I used these on you, yesterday» he repeated.  
After at least ten cycles repeating the same things and asking patiently the other to calm down and go lay on the berth, the triplechanger finally gave up and let himself be pushed back down. But the random personality was still in control and this bothered Shockwave. The first time he tore off all the cables after a while and he wasn’t happy about that. Ah how patient everyone would have been supposed to be with this mech…  
  
  
The scientist moved behind Blitzwing and went to remove his helmet, but pulled away when that long glossa curled up around his claw. It wasn’t the first time he did this. He sighed as he heard that loud laugher again. He didn’t even want to imagine how this sounded from the outside. Many mechs were scared of hearing screams from the closed doors of the med bay and sometimes that obviously happened, but this? Laugher? Only this mech would have made it happen. Apparently he wasn’t ready, was he? He was still worried about getting hurt and this unstable personality was trying to protect them all from this fear of getting injured. It took him a joor the first time and Shockwave didn’t feel like taking so long even this time.  
Starscream found out how to make him calm down, but.. how could he? with those sharp and big claws? They weren’t made for caressing anything. Honestly, they weren’t made to do anything at all. They weren’t supposed to be there. It was already a miracle he managed to deal with those all that time and found them easy to use even during work, even though the first times everything has been very hard.  
  
«Shockwave!» The loud voice and heavy steps approaching caught both mechs attention. The one laying down giggled while the other sighed, waiting for the large mech to get inside. The door opened and Lugnut stepped in, hitting against the corner… like last time. «I’m very busy» said the purple mech, quite annoyed by this situation. Blitzwing already made him lose so much time, why him too now?  
«Our great and glorious leader told you not to mix your jobs together!»  
Shockwave tilted the helm in confusion. What did he want? He wasn’t doing any experiment. Was he on monitor duty today? what? Did he misunderstand something?  
«Whatever you may have understood by observing my actions, Lugnut, I can assure you I have simply been trying to start a very simple exam» he started, laying his claws on tope of his patient’s helm «Nothing more, as you can see» he added, pointing at the other’s limbs, still free and not tied down.  
  
«You don’t have to be a spy when you’re not getting ready to operate then!» was the answer, and this time the scientist understood. Ah, he saw him in his other form… that was what he meant, he thought he was spying someone now…  
«I haven’t been spying anything. I changed form but while ready the information I needed.» he explained calmly, now immediately pushing Blitzwing back down as he attempted to jump off the berth, and he wasn’t going to chase him to get him back there.  
The large purple mech approached the scientist «And you’re the one always searching logic in everything. That didn’t seem useful to me!»he growled and Shockwave rolled his glowing red optic, growing pretty annoyed and impatient. «Of course it didn’t seem useful to you, as always» he huffed «I must get used of the habit of changing my form in front of the screens…».  
He tapped nervously the two longer claws on the light plating of the triplechanger’s chassis, probably tackling him and gaining another laugher from him.  
«You do that even when you’re alone in this place!» Lugnut said «I wonder why you like that weak alternate form of yours. It makes you feel like a normal mech with two eyes?» he dded, staring at the scientist who went back over the table. «Oh, it just makes me feel younger.» was the reply that came form the smaller mech. Blitzwing started laughing and kicking lightly, while Lugnut only growled and walked away «Sure, sure go ahead and transform into that young disgusting autobot then!» he shouted before slamming the door shut.  
  
When the triplechager was finally done laughing, he turned towards the purple mech and tilted the helm «Very funny medic! Vat iz ze real reason vhy you do dat?» he asked, moving lightly his pedes and hitting them on the flat surface.  
The other’s crimson eye focused on him and ramained silent for at least ten nanokliks before answering with a flat voice «What do you mean? That is the real reason.»  
The large grin on the black faceplates disappeared immediately and the calm persona took back control. That answer… it wasn’t stupid at all and maybe it really was the truth. How could he not think of it? He didn’t remember Shockwave hasn’t been created with that helm, he was an empurata victim. Those claws… they weren’t supposed to be like that, he was supposed to have normal servos. So he really did like to transform into that autobot spy form, because it reminded him of the old times when he was younger, with both servos and a real helm, with faceplates and two optics.  
  
For the rest of the time Blitzwing remained silent, not wanting to ask any questions that would have made the scientist even more nervous. He kept all those thoughts for himself, shutting his optic and ignoring the wires connected to his processor.  
Probably like him, Shockwave has went through a bad torture session, tied down on a berth with mechs around, cutting off his digits and servos, replacing the empty wires with those large claws. Then his helm obviously, replaced it with… that. He probably went through a Pit just because of that… being considered a dangerous mech to stay away from. He remained alone all that time with nobody giving a damn about him if he needed help or… or if he would have died of hunger. He wondered if he would have ever decided to remain forever into that autobot form… he seemed to like it.  
_“Sure and maybe join dem? I sure hope not! I don’t trust spies of any kind”_  
_“So maybe ve should keep an eye on him? AHAHAHA”_  
  
«No Blitzwing.» Shockwave’s voice made him jump and online his optics and saw the slim purple mech right next to him. He.. heard his thoughts. Of course he did! He was monitoring his brain activity!  
«I-» he stuttered, trying to think of a proper way to apologize, but the other kept on talking «I would never join the faction who trusts and protects the government that did this to me.» he simply explained. Then dragged a claw over his insignia «The day I wore this flag… I was given a second chance to live». Blitzwing shivered lightly, observing carefully the sharp claw that traced the seams of his chest plates, still fearing the other got angry about those… thoughts he had.  
«I changed completely, but despite I do miss my old form sometimes… I see no reason why I should return being the one I was, since this-» he hissed, removing the claw and pointing at his empty face «-is what I gained because of my illogical actions.» he finished and quietly walked back over the console.  
  
  
Everything went well apparently and he was allowed to leave immediately to go work as Megatron asked him. He would have remained quiet for the rest of the day… and he wouldn’t have made more questions.  
Well, that didn’t went as he imagined, and in fact stuff happened. Not while he was working to find enrgon resources, but when he went back in the control room and saw Starscream walking around nervously comparing about something. Megatron was sitting down, looking at the magenta seeker pacing around from side to side of the room, not even talking or trying to stop him. He simply laid his helm against a servo and sighed. Blitzwing didn’t understand much of what he was saying, it was something about calling other Decepticons  and attack the Autobot’s on Cybertron instead of traveling to go find the Allspark. His furious and screechy voice made the triplechanger get nervous and his angry persona take over «Oh shut up!» he shouted all of the sudden. Megatron looked at him and sighed, already expecting the two to start arguing again. And in fact…  
«What?!» the seeker hissed, approaching the other and the two stopped when they were so close they almost touched, both growling at each other. «Now the last one who arrives gives orders?» the Second in Command shouted angrily, tightening the grip on the datapad he held with a servo and pointing the other’s flaming visor with the pen he had in the other one.  
  
«You’re going to break my audio receptors with your screeches!» the triplechanger yelled back, but suddenly started to observe the pen a bit more carefully as it kept ton moving.  
“Oh pretty thing…”    
The flier stopped talking all of the sudden when the black faceplates replaced the angry red ones. Then he looked at the pen, moved it and observed how the big red optics followed its movement. He seemed to want that thing more than anything else…  
Apparently he found a way to calm the angry persona… he just had to catch his attention with something ”new”. So he threw the pen away and Blitzwing quickly threw himself at it, catching it in his servos and smiling happily. Right. His unstable persona was very curious… even more then the calm and controlled one, so the first thing that caught his attention would have became something he desired to have and study carefully… that’s why he seemed to want that so badly.  
Megatron didn’t even talk, he was surprised this time the twi didn’t start to fight. Starscream really was doing a good job with his constant studies and observation on the triplechanger’s mood swings and behavior.  
  
  
It has been at least a decacycle and everyone was slowly learning how to deal with Blitzwing. Everyone understood that hearing him walking around at night was something normal and there was really nothing to worry about, the most the could do was yelling at him to turn back to recharge. The warlord learnt how get his attention immediately even when the other was in a bad mood, angry and growling or shouting at someone: he simply had to throw a datapad at him and ask him to read it. that would have had the unstable persona to take control and then the calm one would have returned almost immediately.  The warlord shifted in his berth, finally starting to feel calmer about this whole situation.    
  
But that night, Blitzwing was the opposite of calm. He was in recharge as images started running in front of him. Images he wouldn’t have wanted to see. Not now. Not when he seemed to be getting used of staying on the Nemesis… not when things seemed to be going so well.  
Everything dark and cold. Pain practically everywhere and a strong feeling of nausea that wouldn’t have left him alone. Silence only broken by a distant sounds of footsteps. Light and fast. Then they started to become louder, closer until a door hissed open. Then all of the sudden everything he saw was white. A strong light coming from the ceiling and the room was no longer black, his optics focusing on what he would have wished to never see again. Metallic tables covered in torture instruments, stains of his own energon under his pedis and on a dirt berth in the middle of the room. This position against the wall he was in was uncomfortable and his arms tied up above his head in tight cuffs, were starting to hurt so much he almost felt like they were about to get ripped off.  
«Look who’s not recharging» the voice of one of the three Autobots that walked inside got his attention immediately. He was tall, red and white, the other two were both shorter, one blue and the other green and yellow, they all had a blue visor. The same one who talked held a cube of energon. He approached him, grabbed him from his neck and poured the purple fluid all over his faceplates and chuckled «Drink, Decepticon! Aren’t you hungry?» he asked, a nasty grin on his pale faceplates «Its three solar cycles you whine because you want this».  
The other two walked closer, one dragging that damn table close to him. Not again… there was no way he could have been able to survive this one more time. He looked down onto his own fame, the fresh purple fluid poured on him mixing with the res still leaking out of the open wounds they caused during all this time, his limbs shaking and rattling against the cold wall, the glass on his chest completely shattered and scratched. His purple insignia was still there, covered in scratches as well. His small wings were no longer there, being the first thing that got removed after these three began having their fun with him as they said.  
  
«What a bad mech» the blue Autobot commented «look what a mess he made» he said, pointing at the liquid sliding down the still open mouth and faceplates. «And here we were being so nice to you» whispered the purple one, grabbing him from his chin and turning his helm to look at him.  
The tallest of the three moved his servo to grab a sharp object from the table and nodded «Deceptions really are bad. They need to get punished for their bad behavior…» he moved the silver instrument up to his helm and poked his cheek with it. «N-no…» the triplechnager gasped, wincing as the blade cut through the metal and went up his faceplates stopping underlies left optic. «No what? do you think you’re the one giving orders here?» the blue one asked, running his digits on his chassis and tapping them on the glass, grabbing tightly and tearing away the last shards. What came next was such a sharp pain everyone in that damn ship would have heard his screams. His optic fell on the floor and the autobot slapped him hard «Quiet now!» he growled «We are just getting started». There was so much energon flowing down his faceplates, coming inside his mouth and in the hole on the chest. He still couldn’t stop screaming and everything else they did to him wouldn’t have helped.  
«S-stop… ple…. no m-more…»  
He only managed to stutter before everything faded.  
  
  
Megatron was used of hearing the triplechanger walking outside and laughing at nothing. This time he heard him right out of his quarters and obviously woke up again. «Go to back to recharge Blitzwing!» he shouted, laying back down.  
«Maaaster» came the replay from right out of the door. Oh what did he went now? Was this more serious? He usually ran back in his room after he ordered him that…  
The warlord stood up and walked over the door, then opened it and a nanoklik after, Blitzwing stopped closer, but remains outside. His scarlet  optics and mouth glowing in the dark. «What is it, Blitzwing?» The Decepticon leader asked, crossing his arms, staring at the other and getting a little annoyed by this behavior of his. The mech in front of him shifted on his pedes, giggled and then started to shiver «I vas recharging, ve promise it’s true!» he started, scratching his arm lightly «Ve… » he took a pause but continued immediately when the bigger mech started tapping his pede impatiently «V-ve saw ven they…took of dat piece ov us for fun! AHAHAHAH! They vere laughing zo much!» he began to shiver again, hugging himself tightly. «V-ve veren’t though» he started to sob and covered his dark faceplates, bowing the helm down and trying to erase those images he saw again from his processor, but it seemed useless.  
  
Megatron sighed and put a servo on his arm «Come…» he whispered, managing to grab the triplechanger’s digits and pulling him inside before shutting the door closed once again.  
He didn’t expect these things to happen to his soldier, but it was quite obvious the tortures he went through still had a terrible effect on him. How could he blame him for having trouble recharging if those images tormented him all night while he was alone with no comfort?  
He let go of him and went to lay back on his large berth, then looked back at the smaller mech who tilted the helm from side to side with a slightly confused expression. But when his leader made a quick movement with the helm and said «come here Blitzwing» and petted he empty space on the berth next to him, the triplechanger smiled happily and threw himself next to the bigger mech. He purred and snuggled his large warm chassis, wrapping the arms around his waist. His smaller frame was still shaking and his optics still leaking lubricant. He seemed to be acting like a small scared sparkling… a sparkling that got captured and kept far away from his protectors while being constantly abused and tormented… Those Autobots ruined him.  
«Stop crying now. You’re safe.» Megatron murmured, caressing the purple wings and finally gaining the other to stop crying. The other closed the big glowing red optics and snugged him softly once again, still purring happily and trying to get himself closer to the warmer frame of his leader.  
It honestly didn’t even bother the warlord doing something like this. His soldier was hurt. He was going through this all alone and he wasn’t interested on losing him. He wasn’t interested into losing anyone at this point.  
_“V-ve’re sleeping here tonight?”_  
_“I expected him to kick uz back to our room ! How does he get to be the one standing there dis time?!”_  
The random persona only giggled before being slowly pulled back in a much calmer and peaceful recharge.  


	8. Can't change

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Units of time:
> 
>  
> 
> 1 Nanoklik - 1 second
> 
> 1 Cycle - 1 minute and 30 seconds
> 
> 1 Joor - 1 hour
> 
> 1 Solar Cycle - 1 day
> 
> 1 Deca Cycle - 10 days
> 
> 1 Stellar Cyle - 1 year
> 
> 1 Vorn - 80 years

Saying they all got used to this situation quickly would have been a lie of course. Blitzwing had serous problem who couldn’t be solved apparently and they all understood that, but understanding didn’t mean they knew how to deal with him every time he caused some trouble. They all got used of yelling him to go back  in his room and recharge when at night he decided to walk around and laughing at nothing, since there were literally nothing to do to avoid this. He never hurt anyone so they all stopped fretting to have him walking to the med bay, going to steal an energon cube… even managing to enter in their own rooms. The first one who woke up and found him where he shouldn’t been was Starscream.   
He worked a lot during the day and was so exhausted that he almost dragged himself in his quarters, wings low and actually fighting to keep his optics online at least before reaching the berth. Needless to say he didn’t touch a single drop of energon, lied down and finally allowed himself to fall in the very desired recharge. And of course that night he slept with an unlocked door, anyone could have managed to get inside simply approaching the door. Even if the triplechanger’s plan was probably different from going to see what was the seeker doing late that night, the random personality was obviously n control, as it usually happened every time he went to walk around the Nemesis instead of staying in his room and recharge. And that persona always did the first thing they could think of. And as he passed by the unlocked door, this hissed open and he stepped inside. The flier was lying down on his cockpit, wings laying limp against his back, an arm dangling off the berth where he was placed.   
It obvious wasn’t Blitzwing’s intention scaring him, he just didn’t like the other keeping his limb in that position that looked very uncomfortable to him. So he sneaked closer and pushed it up close to the other’s faceplates, then went to sit there and started to stare at him… as if he was expecting something to happen! 

_“Vat are you doing? He vill vake up! Get out, schnell!”_  
 _“Are you vaiting for him to vake up and snap at uz?? I am not in ze mood to have him complaining!”_  
And of course he didn’t listen. He tilted the helm to a side, long glossa slipping out, brushing against the sharp and pointy denta as he giggled, amused to hear the other two so agitated. And when the jet obviously woke up, facing those big glowing optics and his bloody red mouth… Well, everyone suddenly jumped awake, who fell down the berth, who like Blackaracknia found herself clawing at the ceiling from that fright…    
The triplechanger fell backwards and hit the helm on the floor, but only started to laugh «Ooooh, Zat’s vhy they call you Star-Scream! AHAHAHAHAHAH». In any other occasion the seeker would have literally threw him out with kicks, but he was still so tired… he only hissed a couple of insults at the laughing mech and then let himself fall back down, covering his helm with an arm. When Megaton and Shockwave ran there, the Decepticon leader feared his spark stopped spinning for a nanoklik. When he saw his Second laying down immobile and Blitzwing there, laughing so much and gasping for air… especially after that scream that made everyone’s energon run cold in their lines. He quickly ran over the berth, unable to hear the purple mech’s words who tried to reassure him, as he already checked Starscream’s life signal was still there. «Starscream!» Megatron grabbed the poor flier from his shoulders and pulled him up, shaking the smaller frame and waking him up once again. «Oh for the love of Primus! What now?!» red optics onlined and scanned the room, not even managing to focus on something as he got pullout of recharge a bit more violently this time. The scientist looked down at the mech lying on the floor and rolled his optic, then shivered as he head familiar heavy and grabbed on the triplechanger’s cannons so they could both move out of the way, standing in a corner. Megatron wasn’t paying attention to that «why did you scream?!» he asked, once he managed to make his Second looking at him.   
«Well I woke up to that maniac staring at me! What do you want me to do? Laugh??» the other couldn’t even try to screech back, it was obvious he was still so tired, but he managed to wiggle a little to make the warlord let go so he sit on his berth. He then huffed «Now! Is there someone else who wants to get in my room tonight?» then crossed his arms, wings shivering and drooping low when he finally managed to hear the heavy footsteps too. Well, the answer just charged inside of the room. Lugnut ran there intending to beat down the door, that wasn’t closed and opened as he approached it. He shouted and tried to stop himself, only tripping while trying and going to hit against the berth, unable to hit against Starscream at least, but only because their master promptly grabbed the smaller frame from his shoulder and scooped him up in his arms. The seeker hissed and kicked, now much more awake, snapping when even Blackarachnia came in attached to the ceiling and looking down at him «Oh Enough is enough!» he shouted «I’m not that entertaining to watch when I recharge!». He didn’t even try to argue that much later, he fell asleep in his master’s arms a few cycles later, while he was busy telling Blitzwing to get out and not get into other officer’s rooms.   
       
  
Many other things has happened but the Triplechanger never really caused much trouble to anyone, he didn’t hurt anyone neither. Sometimes he did get into little fights but didn’t cause a lot of harm to anyone, just a couple of dents or a little scratch would be the result of one of the most serious fights he got into.. and it was very rare. Sure he still had some trouble with a certain Decepticon. Blackarachnia. Well, he couldn’t blame him for that… she seemed to be trying to accept him around, but didn’t talk to him so much like the others, they didn’t even argue much, they just ignored each other. Even the others sometimes had difficulties staying around him of course, no one would have expected them to get used this quickly.  
Even Shockwave risked to lose his temper more than once when in the med bay the Triplechanger had him losing so much time when his operation would have normally requested no more than five cycles. Luckily Megatron soon started to get used to the tactic actions that would have made Blitzwing’s personalities switch in case he started to get way too unstable. Starscream found out how curious his cold and controlled persona was, very eager to learn more and more in any possible way, readying, observing… Sometimes all he had to do to get his attention while the angry personality was in control, was to give him a data pad and ask him if he could read what was written on there, that would have made him suddenly interested and his curiosity made the cold Blitzwing turn back like a switch.   
  
But at the same time all this wasn't something easy. Not at all. Sometimes they simply didn’t have enough time to guess what the other would have done, especially if it was the random one the persona in control… and that one luckily didn’t appear often. Shockwave noticed how confusion triggered him to take over, along with pain and uncomfortable situations. When he got way too confused or when he simply couldn’t understand one thing, he lost control. While Lugnut always managed to keep him around even during those moments he began to act aggressively. It was very weird indeed, but not a bad thing at all. The warlord has never expected him to get along with the Triplechanger so well. Sure he was the one who had more trouble keeping him controlled, unable to actually be patient enough to push the other to feel certain emotions every time he started to lose control, but even around the random personality, he didn’t even try to make him turn back being serious… on the contrary, he simply acted as if the new faceplates he found himself talking to every two cycles were all the same, he didn’t even use those short names they gave to him. Nobody actually used them in front of him, it would have been very impolite… they just used them while talking to each other and explain which one took control. Random, Icy or Hothead. But Lugnut never used them. He called him with his name every time, if he had to refer to his angry persona… he simply said that Blitzwing snapped and went mad. As if he completely ignored the other’s issue. As if that mech didn’t suffer of multiple personality disorder.    
  
And Megatron couldn’t tell if this was wrong… but it didn’t seem to be. He was treating the other like a normal Decepticon, without caring to find excuses every time the other messed something up. He didn’t care if in that moment the most unstable personality was in control, he simply told him to stop being stupid and work properly… and if the the other snapped after being yelled at, he simply ignored him, repeating to fix what he did wrong without complaining. The Decepticon leader wasn’t able to work with the two personalities, he preferred having him as cold and calculating as possible, obedient and reasonable. It was way easier instead of dealing with one who just did the first thing he had in mind and the other who was way too impulsive. But… But of course he couldn’t deny the fact he got attached to all three. Everyone did despite everything. Well, maybe almost everyone.  
  
  
«You know that what Shockwave’s trying to do is stupid, master.»  Starscream huffed, wings vibrating softly when a black servo caressed them, gently pushing them down on the berth surface. The warlord’s engine purred. Was it possible that if he wanted to have his Second in Command talking with this calm and unusual soft tone about actual serious things… he just had to take him to his berth? He run his free digits up the seeker’s neck, holding gently on the throat cables. Such an act would have scared the flier before, out of these quarters in another situation… the first time he was so tense and scared too. But here and now he leaned into that touch, literally yelling to his master that he could do whatever he wanted at the moment, may that be something violent or gentle. And now he wouldn’t have done anything to hurt him of course. His Second was tired and never cooped well with pain in these cases… plus, he had no intend to make him believe he was angry. First of all he wasn’t angry and then he didn’t want to risk to make the other get nervous with that, having him so calm and relaxed was pretty rare. «Not stupid, he believes it could be a logic solution» he answered, staring down at the other’s red optics, glowing tiredly as he obviously struggled to stay awake. «You can’t really mean you agree with that» he grumbled, reaching up to scratch lightly on the black metal of the fusion cannon, so close o his faceplates as the servo caressed his neck. But he didn’t try to push it away, quite the opposite actually. He had it firmly as if he was afraid the other would have suddenly pulled away.  
  
«I didn’t say that.» he shrugged «he’s not even sure he can do that» Megatron then put both his servos on the long and elegant appendages, massaging the delicate silver plating, stroking at the base in a circling motion, a single digit reading up to the purple insignia, then dow the magenta stripe again. The flier purred under the bigger mech, obviously appreciating the other remembered what spots made him feel better and how to touch him. But he couldn’t remain too much and didn’t even want to risk falling in recharge.   
«Hm… I must go have a shower» he whispered, sitting up and looking over at the door. Megatron sighed when he saw the other slowly up, but didn’t stop him. It’s been almost a joor, it was understandable he wanted to go back to his quarters now. Despite how much he seemed to be trusting him, Starscream still didn’t feel comfortable sharing quarters with him and wouldn’t have used his wash racks…  he didn’t feel comfortable with it.  
  
  
The flier quickly ran down the hallway, reaching his quarters and literally throwing himself in the wash racks, cold coolant running down his frame, managing to make him snap awake. He didn’t want to recharge yet. He had to go talk with Shockwave… he wasn’t even sure why this topic had him so interested all of the sudden. Must have been that question Blitzwing asked him that one time that had him thinking. And at the moment he suddenly felt attached to him? Well maybe not very attached.. but it was something else that bothered him.   
He cleaned his magenta armor, roughly running his claws all over the frame, going just a bit more gently on the soft appendages, not really interested into adding a scratch on there. But he finished the shower quickly, jumping out to get himself dried and ran out, then literally began to fly through the corridors, stopping once he was already inside the med bay.   
  
Shockwave didn’t even seem surprised to see him getting inside like that. He shrugged and walked around the berth to get closer to him. Blitzwing was laying on his back, into stasis apparently. It looked like Shockwave was monitoring his brain activity and the memories that remained into his processor after… whatever the Autobot did to him while he was their prisoner. Nothing pleasant of course, it was only logic that the scientist decided to have him unconscious to d this, as it was pretty much unnecessary making him panic because of that. The purple mech looked at the seeker, tilting the helm to the side «Need something?» he asked calmly, and probably already knowing the answer to this question.   
Starscream walked around him and stopped near the triplechanger «No. Well, yes.» he hissed, wings high for a nanoklik, then relaxed again, it was not necessary getting so mad now, they could talk normally.   
He took a deep breath, offline the optics for a little and then focused again on the other «Listen… don’t even try to see if there’s gonna be a way to make him lose the other too, okay?» he clenched his denta and wings fluttered nervously, raising high again for a moment «There’s not damn purpose in taking them off.».  
  
Shockwave looked down at the mech laying limp on the berth «It is logic actually» he replied «Megatron works better around the cold personality» he explained, running a claw on is helm, touching lightly the wires connected to it. «I’m not doing anything yet now, I’m just trying to see if there’s a way to have him back like before». A growl made him turn around to look at the flier again «You won’t have him like before… and that doesn’t have to do with your logical thought! » he snapped «Megatron prefers him when he’s calm… he was everything but calm before, and you know it!».  
Yes, he knew it. Blitzwing has never been this calm and calculating, careful and curious. This Personality was something new that developed when he was kept prisoner. Blitzwing was more… like the so called Hothead personality. That was Blitzwing. Impatient, unstable, violent… he didn’t stand to stay way from battles and didn’t bother to think about tactics before an attack. And Starscream knew what he really wanted wasn’t  bringing him back like before with just one personality in control. Well, he wanted that.. but not the Icy one.   
  
«Blitzwing is one of your creations. I am just surprised you’re showing some kind of emotion for him.» Starscream crossed the arms over his cockpit and huffed «Guess not even that stuff managed to erase them all, huh?». Shockwave shivered lightly, he wasn’t used of people talking like that about him.. he wasn’t used of feeling emotions. But how couldn’t he? This here… this was one of his first creations, his triplechanger. He created the three of them and they probably didn’t even know. It already caused him enough pain seeing directly those memories… those Autobot torturing his Blitzwing… now the fact he would have never had him back like before was something that seemed way too much. But emotions were useless, he knew that. emotions where the cause of what happened to his servos and faceplates.  
«Megatron would appreciate him to be easier to deal with.» e said, mostly trying to convince himself. But the seeker was getting tired of this answer «Shut up already!» he spat, grabbing tightly on an antennae and pulling «stop repeating this crap and listen to me!» he let go once he got the other’s attention. Then took a deep breath, really needing to make a big effort to say what he had in mind.   
  
«Listen. He’s got my kind’s programming in him. Isn’t that true?» he looked at the other, waited for him to nod and then continued «He remained a lot with his two companions. They were three. Three, Shcokwave. Like a trine. Like my kind does.» here we go… things are gonna get hard now he mentioned date trine. Starscream growled lightly «Now. A trine is mostly composed by one who cares about protecting the others, one who makes the three communicate and discuss, one who avoids too frequent fights».  
A long pause. The flier bowed the helm and covered the faceplates with a servo, wings drooping low again. The scientist didn’t say anything, he just waited. «Now… I was there when I saw them together.» he shivered and turned around, scratching on the nearest wall and leaving four white lines «He was the one who caused most of the discussions. I remember that. T-then» he cursed silently as his voice glitched «Then! Octane wasn’t made to fight, he was a tanker… he often stopped them from getting too aggressive. And then.. Astrotrain. He was the protective one of the three, he easily kept them inside in his alternate mode to prevent them from getting hurt. He was…» silence again. «He was supposed to protect them all. But he couldn’t.».   
  
After five cycles the seeker turned around and hissed «He was left alone! You know what happens to a seeker when they lose their trine?! Probably you can’t know it, because you never felt it! I can’t even describe to you how it is because you wouldn’t understand it.».  
The purple mech nodded. It was so clear what Starscream wanted to say with it. Blitzwing’s personas… they went to replace who he lost. Astrotrain… protective, it was the random personality who took over every time he felt hurt. Octane, calm and never eager to fight was replaced by the cold personality instead… who kept him reasoning and focusing properly before attacking without a plan.   
«He already lost his mates» he said with a sigh and the seeker nodded «yeah. Do you really want to take them away again? A second time? You can’t change what happened to him now, you can’t change what he became. Whatever you’ll do will only make things get worse, don’t you understand that?!». Yes he did understand that.  
«Y-you know why I never decided to pick other two seekers?» the flier hissed, optics glowing with anger and… and sorrow, yes, he could tell what that was this time «Because… first of all, I couldn’t bring myself to let someone else take the place of my beloved Thundercracker and Skywarp. And second of all, I couldn’t risk to suffer another loss. And I wasn’t kept prisoner and tortured! Now, do you really think he could stand a second loss?!».   
  
Shockwave looked as the other turned away again, facing the wall. He was crying, wasn’t he? He couldn’t blame him. And he couldn’t say what he just told him was wrong… he was right.   
Megatron may have wanted Blitzwing to remain calm… but Shockwave didn’t want that. If there was something he would have wanted was the old Blitzwing he created, the short tempered one… this was completely illogical but he couldn’t help but desire this. But at the same time he wasn’t even sure about it and wanted the three to remain… he didn’t want to erase the other two. «But Megatron wants the-»  
«I don’t want anything.» The warlord’s voice made them both jump, but while the purple mech turned around, the other remained still. «I admit I work better around that one calm persona of his…» he slowly paced over to his second, placing a servo in the middle of the wing plating, stroking slowly to try to make him relax. «but I don’t want him to lose the other two.» he added, smiling lightly when he felt the other’s frame stop shivering and the appendages pressed against his digits «I don’t even want to know if it’d be possible. I do not care.»  
The scientist nodded, going to remove all the wires, switching off the console while Megatron walked over to his solder, looking at the light blue faceplates of his dominant personality. «I want my triplechanger soldier to keep all three his personalities.»  he said, glad to see Shockwave deleting his notes about a possible removal of the two and then nodding. So that was their master’s decision. It could have been easier leaving only one, maybe he would have managed to remove all the memories of his companions to make things easier. Maybe he wouldn’t have suffered at all. But if those two wouldn’t have lived in his processor, now represented by those two personas inside of him… who would have kept them alive? It was kind of funny… Shockwave never managed to understand how this disorder worked, how could it be possible to have other three different mechs inside of one. And he knew that this theory was the less logic one… but he wanted to believe the two fallen triple changer’s sparks managed to literally return to their old companion and fuse with his processor to stay with him like they did long ago. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick translation as always: Schnell means Quick
> 
> And nothing. The end.   
> Hope you liked this completely not canon pre series fan fiction


End file.
